Manic Manipulations of a Stalker and Mumbai Cops Who Don’t Care

A woman currently being stalked by her abusive ex-boyfriend approached The Quint to help put out her story.

The first time he hit her, it was because she failed to meet him at a particular spot they had decided upon. She was only a few metres away, but he had yelled on the phone, picked her up and beaten her black and blue. “Did he slap you?” I ask. “No,” she said, “He bruised my left arm and leg. I couldn’t walk properly the next day. I still remember lying to my boss about it.”

This was in early 2012, the first of many times that Anamika’s* boyfriend Varun*, now 34, would physically abuse her over the next two years. When she finally found the courage to exit the toxic relationship, Varun turned from a violent boyfriend to an abusive stalker.

It has now been more than six years since they met. Varun continues to track around Mumbai – who she talks to, when she goes out, and with whom. He sends her a barrage of audio and text messages almost every night, while calling her parents, aunts, cousin, friends, her uncle in Indonesia(!) to spread rumours about her promiscuity, her indecent lifestyle and her alleged married status.

Anamika had shut him out and stopped reading his messages, until in September 2017, he stalked and accosted her at her office. Her physical safety was at risk. She needed help. That’s when I met her. Sitting across the table, we were ready to engage in a serious session of #TalkingStalking.

Also Read: Make Stalking a Non-Bailable Offence: Sign The Quint’s Petition

I. The First Signs of an Abusive Partner

In 2011, Varun, taught GRE/GMAT coaching classes in Bandra. Anamika, was in Mumbai for an internship during her final MBA semester. They got to know each other through a common friend and started chatting. The conversations increased, as did the intimacy; soon they found themselves in a relationship. In March 2012, after completing her MBA, Anamika moved to Mumbai for a job with a background verification company.

When we first started talking, I noticed he was very aggressive. He is the only son and his family has some land, under dispute...His father was abusive at home, and he often got beaten up. When I moved to Mumbai, I could really see the troubles he had at home and the effect it had on him. For instance, he was attached to his mother, but was abusive towards her.

Anamika

Anamika determined that this was a low phase in Varun’s life and if she stuck by him, he would come out of it. “But it only got worse,” she says with a bemused smile.

When he hit her for the first time, she asked him to stop the car; he refused. Finally, after half an hour of abuse, she reached the safe confines of her home. She decided to stop talking to him, but an earnest phone call from his mother made her reconsider. “She called me and apologised for Varun’s behaviour. I thought if he’s getting his parents involved, this must be important to him. I decided to give him a chance. That was a big mistake.”

It’s easy to ask why she didn’t leave without looking back. According to psychologists, people are unable to leave abusive relationships for multiple reasons, such as emotional and mental manipulation with threats of violence, belittling and demeaning them. The association of distress/hurt with emotional/physical abuse are strong deterrents to a mind weakened by manipulation. A toxic cycle is formed, of violence followed by over-compensatory love, which further convolutes the victim’s decision-making process.

On the day he would hit me, the next day he would take me to the doctor. The next few days would be really great and loving, until he would hit me again. It was a pattern he created. 

Anamika

Before she met him, she says she wasn’t the kind of person who would put up with abuse. But in those two years, she still cannot fathom what happened to her.

II. Walking Out of an Abusive Relationship

Around 2014, her friends and family found out about the abuse and were shocked. They asked her to cut contact immediately.

But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. By that time, he had harassed me so much that I just couldn’t come out of it. I was mentally defeated. Added to that, he would threaten me saying, “I’ll spread rumours about you to your friends and family.”

Anamika 

Her health deteriorated. She put on 30 kilograms because of stress. She had a sinking feeling that her life was headed nowhere. In 2014, Varun lost his students. His reputation fell through due to his anger and irregularity. He had to pack his bags and move back home, but he had a plan.

“After he went back home, he decided to sit for Civil Services. He didn’t clear the exam, but told everyone – his family, friends, acquaintances – that he had gotten into the Indian Police Service (IPS)! All I could think of then was that this bubble he created is going to burst at some point, and how.”

The distance did Anamika some good. She started keeping herself busy with work, a helpful gym membership and getting back in touch with friends she hadn’t spoken to in two years. By the time 2015 was in full swing, the two barely talked; they had lost contact.

III. The Stalking Begins

In the middle of 2016, Varun started contacting Anamika again. Her phone was flooded with texts and calls about men she was hanging out with, something about a court case and general harassment. Every time she would block his number, he would contact her from another number. Little did she know he had started tracking her call details.

When I moved to Mumbai, I started using his SIM. I forgot about it because the bills were coming to my email address. Then, one day in September 2016, he called angrily for not responding to him. He began mentioning names of friends I had recently been in touch with, details he could have accessed only through the bill’s call log.

Anamika 

He accused her of being a “slut”, for sleeping around with all her male friends, threatened her. This time, Anamika stuck to her resolve and refused to participate in any conversation.

The turning point, Anamika explains, was when Varun became a full-blown, break-the-law stalker after watching M S Dhoni: The Untold Story in Spetember 2016.

Suddenly after seeing the scene where Dhoni’s girlfriend dies in an accident, he realises he wants to marry me. I refused. I didn’t know he had come back to Mumbai even, till he showed up one day in front of Infinity Mall when I was with two friends. When I said no to him again, Varun raised his hand to hit me. One of my friends came to my defence, thankfully.

Anamika

This was a trigger for Varun. Insult had been added to imagined injury; he thought Drithi’s friend who had defended her was a new boyfriend. This was also a trigger for Anamika. She completely cut him off; blocked number after number and stopped opening his messages. When he realised he had lost his control over her, his desperation set in.

Anamika shows me a hundreds of audio notes, messages, emails, GTalk messages, missed calls. He would usually start at around 10 pm and contact her from different numbers, on different platforms – daily. “It was really strange. The voice messages were all in different tones. Sometimes, he would cry hysterically, sometimes be abusive and angry. He would send a voice note and then send the same thing as a message.”

In December 2016, he called from an unknown number. When she found out it was him, she told him in very clear words: she didn’t want to come back to him, she didn’t want any contact; she didn’t see any future with him. To her surprise, he agreed and wished her the best of luck in life and love. For all of January 2017, he left her alone.

IV. A Stalker’s Manic Moods

Towards the end of January 2017, however, he called her up and abused her with such vulgarity, it took her breath away. She lost her cool and threatened to take serious action against him. The next morning when she woke up, she found her SIM card – still in his name – blocked. When she contacted customer care, she was told he SIM had been blocked as it had been reported lost. She was shocked, but saw it as an opportunity. She promptly got a new number, which he couldn’t reach.

Desperate to regain direct access to Anamika, Varun crossed another line. He found out where she worked, called the office number on a Saturday, and abused the guard who told him that no one was there during the weekend. “It didn’t end there. He then called my HR head, CEO and another colleague. One day, I got a call from my HR Head asking me if I was fine. Turns out, she and my CEO had received several phone calls from Varun claiming that all my degrees and recommendations were fabricated; that I was a fraud.”

“Ironically,” she adds, “I work in a background verification company, so my CEO was having none of it.”

Support from her colleagues and superiors at work proved to be one of Anamika’s pillars of strength as she battled Varun. Her HR head and CEO assured her that the matter wouldn’t go past the three people who had been contacted and they stood behind her, unconditionally. When Varun received no response from Anamika’s workplace, he started contacting her parents and saying lewd things about her.

The emails and messages increased in frequency and feverishness. “This went on for months until April-May 2017. He reached out everyday in a different mood. Then it suddenly stopped for a few months.”

Around mid-September, Varun contacted Anamika’s best friend, demanding to know if she was seeing someone. When she hung up on him, he sent her voice notes addressed to Anamika.

Through September, vile calls to Anamik’s parents and friends continued, especially to the man he presumed was Anamika’s new boyfriend. In fact, Varun even sent the him two death threats via email. When that didn’t reap the desired results, he went as far as to reach out to his company. He told them to ask their employee to stay away from Anamika or else he would defame him and the company.

V. A Physical Confrontation

On 27 September, Anamika was walking back home from office, just a few kilometres apart, when she heard someone call out her name. She turned, saw Varun and froze. Anamika couldn’t get over his transformation from a regular physique to a overtly muscular frame, like some sort of Bhai, which he insisted she’d like.

Just a few weeks ago, he had sent her an email which said he went for a “diagnosis for his behavioural problems”. He had been prescribed “Testoviron 250mg”, a steroid used to treat low testosterone levels in the body which causes conditions such as impotence, hormonal imbalances, mood changes. It is also used to achieve dramatic muscular gains.

That night she went to a friend’s house before going home, afraid he would follow her. Scared for her life, she wrote an email to the Commissioner of Police about the situation and asked for urgent help. She did not get a response.

A week before Diwali in October, Anamika’s mother received a call from Varun’s mother. Her dad picked up. She asked to speak to Anamika’s mom but when her father insisted she speak with him, she disconnected the call. Then, she called back again and hung up again.

At this point, I stop to ask Anamika: “Why do you think she’s doing this for Varun? She most probably knows about his abusive nature.” Without blinking an eye, she says: “He’s definitely shouted at her, harassed her or beaten her into doing this. He has confessed to me that he’s done it before.”

Thrice after calling and disconnecting, Varun’s mother called Anamika’s father this time and insisted that the two children were afraid of his approval and wanted to be together. Anamika’s parents grew livid.

“When I went back home for Diwali this year, my parents asked to quit my job, leave the city and come back.” But Anamika had tasted courage. She stood up to them respectfully, and demanded to know why she should leave when he was the one in the wrong. They weren’t convinced. They gave her an ultimatum to find another job in another city. She accepted the terms and came back to the city, knowing she wasn’t going to give up easily.

On 18 October, Varun sent a message to Anamika’s father.

Her parents’ tolerance limit had been crossed. She was forced to break her silence and confronted him on GTalk but he kept refusing, saying that neither him or his mother sent that message.

What proof...when did I ever get married...You have crossed all limits...I swear of my father, mother....neither did I or my mother send all this rubbish...Don’t fabricate, please. Don’t lie...This is shocking.

Varun during a GChat conversation with Anamika on 18 October 2017

VI. A Marriage Fraud in the Making

On 26 November 2017, she received a call from an unknown number. “I picked up and just froze. He had found out my new number.” Again the messages, the calls, the stalking began.

A few days later, Anamika woke up to messages from Varun with details on her daily movements; when she was where, and with whom. He had also been keeping tabs on Anamika’s friend who he thought was her boyfriend.

It wasn’t the old-fashioned stalk around the city. “Sometime in 2013, he mentioned that he knew someone in the police back home who would access location details of phone numbers. He definitely knows police officials back home. That’s probably how he could pretended to be one for several months. The detail with which he knew our schedules could only have been if he matched data from numbers and deduced it. It was very scary.”

In the first week of November 2017, another friend of Anamika got a call from Varun’s mother at 11 pm. She said he was not mentally okay, and needed Anamika to feel better. When Anamika’s friend refused, Varun’s mother said something unexpected: “It doesn’t look nice when Anamika spends time with other men like this. After all, she’s already married to Varun.”

Another friend and Anamika’s sister-in-law received the same call next morning. When the latter asked, surprised, what she was talking about, Varun’s mother said they had proof of their marriage. Then came calls to Anamika’s distant aunts. They were told Anamika and Varun had been married “for five years”. Anamika’s father lost his temper. He stopped talking to her. Her younger brother was constantly screaming at her. Everyone thought it was her fault.

He’s only doing this because he thinks I’m with someone else. I tried to explain this to my parents but they’re very upset and worried. To stop me, he’s asking us to file for a divorce first. My parents freaked out. I had to do something now.

Anamika

VIII. Running Around Police Stations

Cut to now.

On 11 November, Anamika went to MIDC Police Station to file an FIR against Varun. The stalking had now gone out of control. She waited for three hours, until a female constable asked for her complaint.

She asked me why I didn’t report him the day he stopped me in front of my office in September. Then, when she found out where I reside, she refused to file an application saying I didn’t come under their jurisdiction; I should go to Powai. I had to request her a lot before she took a complaint application from me.

Anamika

Anamika was informed she was to be called on 13 November for an official statement. By 16 November, there had been no contact by the police. She went back to the station and waited for three hours. Then, she went to Powai police station, where she was told the same thing. Since the actual stalking incident took place near her office, it was technically not under their jurisdiction. After much pleading, a senior official agreed to call Varun’s mother. She was asked to keep her son away from Anamika.

That night, Anamika received hate messages from Varun, saying he won’t be scared off by calls from “fake cops”.

On 17 November, Anamika again spent the evening at MIDC police station hoping to file an FIR. She reached at 4:15 pm and was made to wait until 9:30 pm before an officer was assigned to her complaint.

“Since then, nothing has happened. I went to the police station for an update but they simply told me that these things take time since he’s not in Mumbai. They say logistics and approvals have to fall in place. I insisted that they inform Varun that an FIR has been filed against him in the hopes he stops harassing me, but they said he might flee. They even asked me to not talk about the FIR. He’s still sending me messages and audio notes from different numbers everyday.”

What now? Anamika doesn’t know. She’s done everything she can: from getting out of an abusive relationship, to being stalked, slandered at work and amongst family, to sitting for hours in police stations hoping someone will realise that she’s a victim of a very serious crime, every day – and in real danger. But it seems that for the police, cases like Anamika’s are non-essential, at least until they end in abduction, rape, acid attack or murder.

*Name changed to protect the identity of the victim. Stalker’s name hidden as victim fears for her safety.