Sexolve 20: “I Am Addicted to Masturbation and Porn, Help Me.”

All your questions about sex, sexuality and relationships answered here.

Sexolve is equal rights activist, Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationships, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you.
Drop in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As below:

“I Am Addicted to Masturbation and Porn”

Dear RainbowMan,
I am an 18-year-old boy and I just finished my 12th. I have a peculiar problem. I am addicted to masturbation and porn. I masturbate daily and the frequency varies from once to twice a day. I have been masturbating like this from the past two years. I don’t masturbate like how my friends do. I rub my penis against the pillow and dry hump, is that normal? Please help me get over my addiction.
Jigar

Dear Jigar,

There is a hindi saying called “Ati Shati Hoti Hai” which means, “Too Much (of Anything) Is An Enemy”.. I often masturbate once a day,  especially when I am excited, and I feel it is absolutely fine. Whereas someone else may feel once a day is too much. At your age though, it is natural that one masturbates often.  How much is “too much” you may ask, well, that’s what one needs to define for themselves. I think at your age you have a lot of avenues, you can try a new sport, go hiking, stay with friends most times, go socialise over coffee or movies… venture out. If you are religious, or spiritual, meditate, it helps. Just don’t stay alone at home for long periods or keep your mind/ your body engaged.

That said, let no one tell you that masturbation is a sin. It is not. It is a  natural process to relieve oneself of their sexual urges through self-stimulation. Do it only when you are excited and don’t do it because you have to do it and it is a habit.

Regarding you dry humping your pillow, well, we all have different ways of relieving ourselves, I’d suggest use your hands, it can be pleasurable too.

Regarding porn, well, porn paints a very filmy picture of sex. Believe me, when you actually have sex, it doesn’t happen like that. The flexibility and the way people hold themselves for long periods of time without an orgasm is something that happens only in porn. In real life though I have had instances where foreplay, play and wash was all completed in 5 minutes. You know what I mean? Darling, don’t let pornography ruin your idea of reality.

Regards,

RainbowMan

“I Am Unable to Get An Erection With My Partner”

Dear RainbowMan,
I am a 27-year-old man. I have an erection problem when with my partner otherwise when i am alone and masturbate it all seems fine. Can you tell me why am I unable to get an erection with my partner. Any suggestions?
Dilruba, Ratnagiri

Dear Dilruba,

I know how one must be feeling. To love someone and to not get it up at the “moment” is sure frustrating but also embarrassing at times.  But believe me, people sometimes take time to get excited especially when with their partner. May be anxiety. May be the pressure of “looking good” and doing good in bed. May be the expectation of pleasuring the partner well, so that they love you more? May be one of these factors. Since you get an erection when you masturbate, you don’t seem to be having an issue with getting erections.

Maybe, you should speak to your partner. May be you should engage in long foreplays before you hit the bed for a bang-bang session. (if you know what I mean). Give it time. Give your relationship time. And give your sexual act time. I am sure that things will work in your favour, just when it comes to making love, love longer and in ways more than one.

Love,

RainbowMan

“I Want to Reach An Orgasm With My Partner”

Hi RainbowMan,
I would like to know of ways by which I could better my stamina. I want to reach an orgasm with my partner at the same time. Are there any natural products that I can use to increase my stamina.
Aamir, Nepal

Dear Aamir,

Unfortunately I am not a sexalogist. So would not be able to advise you on the “stamina” bit, or on eating natural products. But I will definitely give you some generic information. Quitting smoking, moderate drinking, regular exercising all increase the “stamina”.

Take care,

RainbowMan

“I Feel Like Having Sex With An Animal, What Should I Do”

Hi RainbowMan,
I am feeling like having sex with an animal, what should I do? Is it illegal to have sex with animals?
Rahul, Delhi

Dear Rahul,

Divert your mind to something productive. There is a law in the Indian Penal Code called section 377 which criminalises sex against the order of nature. So please control yourself and quickly see a psychiatrist. Animals are also protected under the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Act, 1960. You would find yourself in prison if you do it,  Also, just because animals cannot speak, you should not abuse them .

I repeat, please visit a mental health professional.

Regards,

RainbowMan

(The copy of the text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the person. You can send in your questions to [e-mail])

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)