Of late, I’ve been taking a lot of those silly online quizzes. In fact, I just took this one that wanted to know if I was really ready for another baby. At the start of the quiz was a disclaimer. It read – “Only take the quiz if you want to learn about what questions to ask yourself before getting pregnant again, and how things change when you decide to grow your family.”
The disclaimer was revolting!
And I will tell you exactly why...
At a family gathering the other day, I was watching a friend sitting in a distant corner. She was looking supremely hassled, digesting the information that ladies around her were throwing at her – basically, everything to do with having a BIG family. All of a sudden, she rose to her feet (as the room fell silent) and screamed – “Anyone else not ready for baby number 2? Cause I am NOT!” And then she rushed to the nearby washroom.
That scene was both melodramatic and hilarious.
The husband went running after her with a box of tissues. Meanwhile, no one really noticed how their only and unattended child got into a hysterical fit and cried like he’d run out of chocolate.
Therefore, that disclaimer in the quiz? About how things change, etc., etc? It angered me no end.
Just like that friend, I too am not ready for a second child. It’s not that I never want one. But this ain’t the time – and here’s why:
I Love to Plan My Life
I have always been a massive planner. I work on schedules.
My ideal gift? A book of multi-coloured post-its.
Therefore, it’s only obvious that we plan the bringing of new life into our lives. The perfectionist in me reminds me that I must make no mistakes. Having said that, I do know that accidents happen all the time! But it’s always better to take precautions rather than live in regret.
I am still too young to be parenting two little ones. My clock is ticking but it can’t push me off the track.
The Wife in Me
The damage caused and the repercussions faced after having our first child – after exactly two years of marriage – needed a lot of repairing.
So much time was lost trying to convince my husband and myself that this relationship would work. Kids can often ruin your marriage. The resentment coupled with terrible hormonal shifts, mood swings, exhaustion and the inevitable lack of romance are almost certain outcomes.
Regardless of how nice and understanding your husband may be, a mom always ends up bearing much of the parenting load. And this can contribute to simmering resentment. It takes a lot of time to revive the bliss, to rebuild love for each other.
Having a second child within a couple of years of the first one can prove detrimental to the relationship. Therefore, NO, I am not ready yet!
I Am Not Selfless
I have a good heart. I am a giver. But this does not mean that I want to give up on everything I like to do. Kids are not easy. It’s a tough task to handle one so I know what I might be getting into if I go for another (this soon)!
Eventually, they're going to grow up and forget about all the misery and pain they've caused (especially to me). I have only just come out of the terrible-twos stage. A new momma has to be insane to be ready to get into sleepless-new-mother mode again, this soon! Some actually do. I have a lot of respect for them.
As for me, it's important to recuperate from the after-effects of having a baby.
When I have slept enough, I too shall be ready.
(Founder of The Champa Tree, Vaishali is a mother (and on-the-job-learner), a communication consultant and now a full-time-slave. The Champa Tree was conceived in May, 2014 – around the same time that her son was born. TCT is a blog on motherhood and parenting.)
(At The Quint, we question everything. Play an active role in shaping our journalism by becoming a member today.)