Much is being said about the obscene gender inequality in India, about violence against women, rape, abuse, dowry deaths. But well done is better than well said. While on one hand we heroine worship the Katrinas and Kareenas, on the other, a more careful and considered look reveals that they are predominantly objectified as beautified commodities, unsettlingly served on a platter for the male gaze.
Does the average Indian man who might covet a Deepika Padukone or Priyanka Chopra openly, or a Sunny Leone more furtively see what more these women stand for and give credence to these women for that?
At a most basic level, credence for being self-reliant, working women with identities of their own or on a larger canvas credence for living life on their own terms? And how does this average Indian man view his own woman? Does he place value to her living a self-determining life where her decisions have as much agency as his do? Does he respect her choices and engage in meaningful dialogue about it – whether to work or not and then to support the profession she chooses or the nature of her socialisation?
Is an Indian woman given the same impetus to pursue her dreams and build her identity coupled with a non-interfering stance in her choice of profession or even friends that her man expects from her and society?
Indian Mythology Worships Women, But Indian Society?
Even our mythology, lauded for elevating women, on closer inspection, limits our women in taking their equal place. Female goddesses are worshiped, yet the popular culture that we have inherited across millennia unequivocally roots women as subservient, especially to their husbands. What is the most enduring perception of Sita from the Ramayana? Arguably Sita becomes imprinted in our minds as a lodestar of a most dutiful wife. She devotedly follows her husband Lord Rama to exile in the forests where she is kidnapped. While hostage she is protected from her evil kidnapper Ravana, thanks to the curse on him that he will perish if he touches a woman against her wishes.
Yet, after her rescue, Lord Rama does not vouch for her devoutness when her chastity gets questioned. If the faithfulness of the god Rama was beyond reproach, why was the faithfulness of Sita, a goddess, questioned? Sadly, questioning the woman has remained the default socio-cultural position.
The Everydayness of Being an Indian Woman
This comes to fore in a big way when it comes to issues of fidelity and in smaller but telling ways that unfold in the everydayness of life. Yesterday I was on the panel of judges at the Hindustan Unilever’s Fairly and Lovely Foundation Scholarships, finalising awardees to receive higher education scholarships. The candidates were women from economically weaker sections of the society. Struggling against all sorts of odds – financial, structural, educational – is what they do every day. But the most glaring and debilitating experience was that of just being a woman pinned to a patriarchal mindset where becoming anything besides a child bride was sneered at.
Each woman had a heart-wrenching story to tell. One candidate said, “I am considered bad in my community because I leave the house every morning and return at night. People don’t care that I’m studying and doing two jobs to help my family. For them, to be a decent woman means being at home. Even my father says I’m wrong to choose my graduation over getting married.” When I asked her what her dream was, it was simple and revelatory – “I want to do something to see an India where women going to work is not considered wrong. Where every father will encourage his daughter to stand on her own feet.”
Meet the Real Indian Heroines
The majority of the women I interviewed yesterday were from rural areas. For most, it was their first time in a city. One of the girls was crying because she was awestruck by the crowd of buildings, by the sights and sounds of Kolkata, by the grandeur of the hotel where the event was organised. Seeing all us women judges she said, “I can’t believe women can be so confident.” But their tender ages (they were mainly in their late teens), or their simple attires did not belittle their dedication, conviction and intelligence. Each one had achieved academic excellence alongside life-affirming stories of doing housework, looking after younger siblings, tending to cattle, and how they dealt with constant discouragement, mainly from male family members, added to the snide remarks from their community for being unmarried.
Among them were those who had secured admission in medical, nursing and engineering colleges.
Move over Katrina and Kareena, here come India’s heroines.
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