“Dear Shobhaa De..” A Makkhi in Rio On Olympic Medals and Glory

Makkhi Rani, a security fly by profession at Rio is baffled by Shobhaa De, and so she writes her a letter.

Dear Shobhaa De Ji,

Let me introduce myself right at the beginning. I am Makkhi Rani, a security fly by profession (with FlyByNight Associates) and a wandering traveller at heart. Actually, I am on a special mission in Rio. Zika virus toh you must have heard of, no? So I am responsible for guarding our Indian Olympians from Zika flies. It’s a dangerous and thankless job, but not as thankless as tweeting from behind a screen, I think?

You see, while I was buzzing around the gym where our 118 Olympians were practising easy things like a double somersault in the air or sustaining injuries while wrestling, all because they wanted to fulfil their lifelong dream of winning an Olympic medal for their country, I kept hearing your name in hushed tones. And how you said the goal of Indian Olympians is to take selfies.

Goal of Team India at the Olympics: Rio jao. Selfies lo. Khaali haat wapas aao. What a waste of money and opportunity.

— Shobhaa De (@DeShobhaa) August 8, 2016

Now, clearly you have been talking to the wrong Olympians.

I don’t think Sakshi Malik trained day and night for twelve years for a selfie. And am pretty sure posing in front of Christ the Redeemer wasn’t what drove Dipa Karmakar to practice death-defying gymnastics in a decrepit gym in Agartala. Did the charm of an Instagram filter move Dattu Bhokanal to excel in rowing; a sport so obscure most Indians won’t even call it one, unless of course, there is a mechanised backpedal a la India Gate? Haina?

From my fly-protecting experience, I can tell you, being an Indian Olympian is not easy. Imagine Hunger Games, but with red tape. (Just ask Seema Punia, a Commonwealth Games silver medallist discus thrower whose coach wasn’t allowed to join her in Rio.)

With no proper infrastructure, a fairly corrupt sports administration and ghost-like sponsorship, qualifying in itself is a task.

Then, they compete with world-class athletes who have been training for years with much better exposure; without basic support like the presence of coaches. And on top of that, to shoulder a nation’s expectations which has suddenly woken up to Olympian pride, because cricket ka off-season hai? Uff.

Frankly, I don’t understand why Indian athletes play for the Olympics anyway. Or why they don’t play cricket. Or become magazine columnists. Or get into Bollywood. (My brother, Makkhi Rahul tells me Bollywood is always the toast of nation, not just in four years. And they take selfies all the time too!) But I keep hearing something about ‘making the country proud’ or something. Apparently, they think you and I care about sports beyond Twitter timelines and news debates!

Because the truth is, Shobhaa De ji, that you and I don’t care about sports. Which is why as much as we like it, we can’t claim credit for PV Sindhu’s scintillating run to the finals or Sakshi Malik’s medal or our Indian hockey team’s brilliant show.

The victory is all theirs. The failure to get more medals though – that’s on us, flies and humans.

Yours Sincerely,

Makkhi Rani
Security Officer
FlyByNight Associates

(Our athletes make us proud, but Shobhaa De doesn’t think so. Got a message for her? Write to us in the comments below or tweet to us with #ShobhaaRehneDe!)