As the Speaker settled down, the Finance Minister rose to present the budget to a grateful nation. The airwaves had been cleared. Cricket players from UAE had promised not to cause any upset so that viewers could catch the budget in the ad breaks. Earlier, Australia and New Zealand, considerate as ever, had agreed to play their match in Twenty20 format to avoid any distraction.
“Achhe din aa gaye hain”, declared Mr Jaitley as he took guard. He gleefully announced that other teams’ prospects had been downgraded, while India’s credibility had been re-established. Pakistan and South Africa had been conquered, and inflation too. Shikhar had made a new high score, and GDP growth was also looking better. Shami’s economy rate had improved along with the value of rupee. International bookies were now looking at India with renewed hope.“Kuch to phool khilaye humne, aur kuch phool khilane hai, Mushkil yeh hai baag mein ab tak, kaante kai purane hai”. That McCullum fellow is looking dangerous.
Mr Jaitley continued to build his innings. Inflation was down, GDP was up, and foreign exchanges reserves were in danger of sloshing over. The government had achieved this magic, he explained, by engineering a collapse of global oil prices and devising a new series for GDP.
For good measure he rattled off a list of other actions the government had taken. In fact these actions were so numerous that instead of reading them all out, he was listing them in an Annexure to the speech. Clearly he had worked out the merits of the shorter format of the game.
But then he decided to resume his innings, promising roads, education, skills, jobs, schools, electricity, efficiency, communication, more jobs, fiscal discipline, infrastructure, rural infrastructure, bank accounts, pension, healthcare, innovation, and digital connectivity. And excise duty on footwear with leather uppers will be reduced. Our team needs better shoes, and also PPP, GST, IIMs and IITs
Every now and then Madam Speaker was jostled out of her reverie by the announcement of another committee. She took the hint and invited Mr Jaitley to sit down. He demurred politely, just for a bit, then found his chair to better conserve his energy for delivering the remaining words.
By this time, the field around him had scattered. Behind him, Mr Prabhu was bent over from the exertion of his own innings for the Railways earlier in the week. Some members had taken advantage of the digital connectivity to find a better podcast on their headphones.
Meanwhile Sonia’s thoughts had strayed. Kahan hai mera laadla? How should she phrase the notice? “All is forgiven. Please come back. Mother unwell”.
Finally, Mr Modi’s face lit up at the prospect of yoga being declared a charitable activity. This was the cue that the speech was near its end.
And at the end the Speaker decided it had been all too much. She succumbed to the logic of announcing a parliamentary holiday on Holi day.
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