Trouble in Political Paradise for Rahul Gandhi

Rahul Gandhi’s not-so-successful marriage to politics.

A photograph just found its way into my inbox, through Twitter. It shows a young handsome man in a dark jacket, comfortably seated in a room full of people. It could have been taken anywhere which is currently freezing and not sweltering. It is allegedly in Aspen. Perhaps it is. But that’s not the point.

Poor Prince Charming. The Heir Apparent of India. He really doesn’t want to be married into politics, does he? He’s cute and all that, but alas, he is not neta material. And currently, he is not a happy bunny, it seems. His tail has lost its bob. I hope he found some peace and laughter with Charlie Rose or whoever, while Bihar was baying for his blood.

This is what happens when you are betrothed to the wrong partner. It’s bound to get toxic.

I really don’t concern myself with politics or politicians as much as so many politically-evolved people do. My apologies if I am stepping on corns or bunions. But this I have to say to him, purely as a concerned Indian citizen and as a woman – get help, and get out fast.

“Yeh rajneeti tujhe jeene nahin degi . Aur media tujhe marne nahin degi”. (God Bless Ajit for such profound lines).

In every recent photograph he looks like he is in extreme emotional pain. You can almost imagine a Michael Bolton wail as the background score. In every video, he sounds like he would rather be doing something more fun. The eyes are dull and distracted. His body language is uncertain. There is purpose in his strides, but no spring in his step. His self-confidence doesn’t make it through his raspy voice. Even the high decibel level doesn’t make it sound authoritative.

He seems to have that permanent ‘galey mein kharaash’. The “Koughi with Kejriwal” bug that left Arvindji has clearly found him. I think it thrives on stress. The kind of stress you go through when you feel out of control.

His “not so favourite place” on Earth, a certain famous village that keeps making the headlines, has been usurped by a politician with a much stronger voice and a much larger presence. His carefully spin-doctored interview on national TV bombed at the Vote Box Office. He is the ultimate ill-appointed heir to a political legacy. He got there just because he is the son of the family. Hai mera munda. Behenji would have been a better bet to have cultivated as a kid. But behenjis must find jamai rajas and give bhai sahabs top billing in inheriting the family business. It is in our culture.

Princeyji should be promised to something or someone more up his alley. See what happened to King Edward VIII until he met Wallis Simpson. His abdication speech on the radio is one of the most honest by any leader. Learn from your seniors, I say.

I have for twenty five years tried to serve. But you must believe me when I tell you that I have found it impossible to carry the heavy burden of responsibility…as I would wish to do, without the help and support of the woman I love.
— King Edward VIII

How totally sincere.

Why allow this suffering? Why can’t we allow this hapless soul to lead the life he wants? Why can’t someone tell Mummy the truth? Why can’t he just call it off?

Hai. Hai.

Meanwhile, he limps around looking utterly dukhi with his karma. And tied to a palloo like all desi men are before the wife comes along. (Okay sometimes even after the bahu appears).

Somehow the gazillionaire politician and the noble words ‘gareebi hatao’ just don’t go together. He has never known gareebi. Neither do the grass roots under his soft feet excite him. He has always worn the finest Italian leather shoes.

Being wealthy is not a curse. Trying to ‘feel poor’ is. He sporadically delivers a speech worth a tweet in Parliament and creates headline news in places. But it stops at that. He has done everything everyone told him to do and continues doing it. He is the most obedient son India has ever seen. He deserves an ovation. But he doesn’t deserve such misery.

He should sign up with Shaadi.com and look for an alternative alliance. They are running a super campaign for the youth of today who want to break free from stereotypes and unhappy liaisons. Its called #MyConditionsApply. I am sure he will find his voice there.