From One Curly-Maned Girl to Another: Stay Unimpressed, Kangana!

Dear Kangana, may you always be so relevant that it takes three men, channelling a herd mentality, to talk about you

This is an emergency! Kangana Ranaut is getting on Bollywood’s nerves and no one can figure out what to do. Could this be why three privileged men recently took out the silver spoons from their mouths to put their foot nicely and firmly in there?

Karan Johar, Saif Ali Khan and Varun Dhawan sang “Nepotism Rocks” in unison. (That the word ‘nepotism’ was even mentioned on a Bollywood award show is a big deal.) But moving on, we heard K Jo quip, “Kangana na hi bole toh achha” as a retort to someone singing “Bole chudiya, bole kangana” – and we now know for a fact that Karan Johar simply cannot get over Kangana.

It all started with Koffee with Karan. There she sat, in a white, fitted gown proudly displaying her curly golden locks. She didn’t giggle, she looked bemused at the IQ level of the questions, verbalised her wonder at being invited to a show that had previously made fun of her English accent and told Karan Johar what she thought of him.

Karan, you have been the driving force of my life. If it weren’t for all the rejection and the mocking, I wouldn’t have made it.

She went on to call him a “stereotypical Bollywood biggie”, the “flag bearer of nepotism” and “movie mafia”.

So when you hear ‘Nepotism rocks’ on a Bollywood award show stage that claims to celebrate cinema and talent, you must attend the funeral of ‘irony’ that died in there somewhere!

Taking on a Cocktail of Power and Privilege

Kangana won the sobriquet of ‘Queen’ after the humongous success of Vikas Behl’s Queen and successfully shouldering the responsibilities of the Tanu Weds Manu franchise which singularly reminded us that Madhavan still exists in this same universe.

But her PR machinery must be getting sleepless nights. If success in Bollywood is judged by who invites you to a party and who you party with, then by 2015 Kangana was firmly ensconced in the royal turf. Partying with Priyanka Chopra, a hand-written note from Mr Bachchan… it all seemed to be going well. Until a certain gentleman actor decided to release personal emails of what were his exchange with Ranaut (it is another matter that his part of the mails were nicely edited out). Chor, daari and tinka anyone?

Have you noticed that there’s a pattern of powerful men hitting self goals in a match against a green horn like Kangana? Could this be because – like another daddy’s son Adhyayan Suman explained – she “practises black magic” and is a “pishachini”? (The writer at the time of writing had no means of corroborating the claims though she did successfully stifle a laugh and half a giggle.)

Privilege and power are a heady cocktail and Kangana is taking on both, neat, on the rocks. Of course, Rangoon didn’t do too well – and in an industry where you are only as good as your last release – the claws came out from all corners.

We’ve heard several stories about her – that she is emotionless, that she throws her weight around, is a control freak and is difficult to work with. These are qualities that shouldn’t ideally adorn any person, irrespective of gender, but that’s not how it works! A man can be immature, possessive, rude and that’s fine. He will even wear said attributes as a badge of honour. Grown men acting like entitled jerks, expecting the world to pamper them, are acceptable because you know – “woh aisa hi hai“. But women must always pass through life like thin-as-a-waif air hostesses with pasted smiles, asking if you want chai or coffee – forever at your beck and call.

Kangana was a chit of a girl who came to Bollywood sans money or filmy background and now looks around her, thoroughly unimpressed.

The privilege, the nexus, the herd mentality – none of it scares her. She is an outsider who continues to look unimpressed and refuses to take shit. But when three privileged men come together on stage to say "Kangana na hi bole toh achha" you know that she must have done something right.

It's also clear that this is going to be a long and lonely battle coz *news flash* no one takes punga with power and she is our pariah queen.

But I hope she does. Everyday. Dear Kangana, may you be the crazy girl with curls always. May you stare them in the eye. May you always be so important and relevant that it takes three men, channelling a herd mentality, to talk about you. And may you always be the way you want to be, ‘coz nothing gets their goat more than a girl who looks through them, unimpressed!

After all, it means something to sport natural curls in a world of Plain Jane straight hair. To me, those twisted ringlets are a physical manifestation of the maverick inside!