Sex is a taboo subject in India, which is ironic, since it didn’t become the world’s most populous country because it’s good, virtuous wives made round rotis.
Is being a virgin at 25 okay, a female user asked on Quora recently. Her “experienced” female friends were trying to coax her into experimenting, she added.
Of the 10 respondents, only one happened to be a woman who said one should lose their virginity when they feel it’s the “right time”.
Unsurprisingly, it was largely men who chimed in with a response, saying that it wasn’t a bad thing to be a virgin and that she should wait for the right time, aka marriage.
While it may be a noble thought to wait for “the one” and not be “frivolous” with the opposite gender before marriage, what if the person (woman or man) is not ready for consummation even after marriage?
Such a person can be subjected to forced consummation, or marital rape. However, since marital rape is not a crime in Indian law, this person, having no previous sexual experience and not knowing what to expect or what constitutes a pleasurable sexual experience, can be victimised – with no legal recourse.
Now, waiting for marriage may seem like sane and supportive advice, but really, it isn’t, especially when it is men offering this advice to women. It only reinforces patriarchal stereotypes.
With a premium attached to female virginity, and with rape within marriage being sanctioned by the Indian government, it seems like a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation.
And then again, why is marriage always seen as the solution to everything?
So maybe it’s time to rethink how people see virginity and more importantly, the laws regarding marital rape before advising women to ‘wait for marriage’?
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