Parenting in the Times of Terror and Prejudice

The terror threats on malls, markets and other public spaces in the capital have been deeply worrying for the parents

“It’s not as simple as My Name is Khan,” says Taufiq, father of a 12-year-old boy. Taufiq’s son was teased and bullied at his up-market private school in Delhi after the 26/11 attacks in Mumbai. The slurs and taunts ranged from “Pakistani” to prejudiced words used for Muslims.

For Taufiq, like all the other parents we spoke to, the terror threats on malls, markets and other public spaces in the capital have been deeply worrying.

My son is in the Saket malls almost every other weekend. We go there as a family. Of course I am scared. I share that fear with all the other parents. So many people threaten violence… apparently in the name of our religion… how can I explain that to my son?

Taufiq, Market Research Professional and Parent

Resigned to Living With the Threat?

So what can parents do to feel secure? There is a sense of despondency at the current scenario. It’s almost as though acts of terror are natural disasters, like an earthquake or a flood.

The world is an unsafe place now. Terrorism is not just in New Delhi or Karachi, it is everywhere. We can just follow the advisories and warnings issued by the government, stay in touch with current events and try and keep our kids safe. I tell them not to go to public places around times like Republic Day or Independence Day if there is a terror threat.

Bhupinder, Engineer & Father of a 15-Year-Old

Things get even more complicated when you have to explain to your children why they can’t go to a mall, or see the Republic Day Parade. Or why the lines at the Delhi Metro Station are longer because security has been beefed up. How do you explain why some people wish you dead, even though they have never known or met you?

The first thing Megha asked her daughter when she said she had to rehearse for a music performance was, “Is it in the mall”? The family lives in Gurgaon, and reports say malls in the Delhi-NCR region are targets for terrorists.

But isn’t avoiding these places, which are under threat, giving in to fear.

Yes there is a hypocrisy here. I will go to the mall, or any public space and claim it. But when you are responsible for a young life, you cannot risk it to make a point. So while I do feel terrible, I have to protect my children.

Megha, Artist and Mother

It’s About Violence Against Innocents, Not Religion

Taufiq’s son attended a debate in his school where the topic was “Not all Terrorists are Muslim, but all Muslims are terrorists”. Taufiq is not particularly religious, but he defended his faith to his son.

I told him that this is not our religion, that terrorists have no faith, that they use Islam as an excuse. I also tried to explain the prejudice he has faced. I talked about the people who killed Mohd Akhlaq to show him that there are people without decency in every creed. I don’t know if I got through to him.

The fact remains that children are exposed to the world, and parents have to combat a lot of what they pick up from the net, television, media and of course, their friends and peers.

So how do parent’s talk to their children about terrorism, without prejudicing them?

(Read Also: Terrorists, Gunmen, Insurgents: How Do We Describe Acts of Violence)

I just tell my kids that there are people who use violence as a way of getting attention for political goals. They are ill-informed and misguided, but that’s the world we live in.

Bhupinder

Megha has also dealt with the same issue – trying to explain violence and the world we live in.

Who is a terrorist? Each act has to be judged and described. So if ISIS makes a threat or carries out an attack, I tell my daughters that ISIS has done this, not ‘Islamic fundamentalists’. The key is to be nuanced and specific. I try not to use words like terrorist at all.

All the parent’s The Quint spoke to though, were unsure if they were really able to get their point across to their children. The one thing they had in common was a desire to protect their kids, and make sure they grow up without hating any particular religion or ideology.

(The last names of those quoted have been withheld at their request)