Indelible India
‘So, where are you from?’
This simple, often-asked question flummoxes me unfailingly. Depending on who asks, I will either pick one of the many cities I grew up in, or the one I was born in or the ones my parents are from or the one I currently live in or simply any random city that catches my fancy.
To my father and his father, ‘identity’ is concrete, immutable. To me, it is proportionately elusive. Not for lack of trying:
Quasi-traditional Tamil Brahmin/Iyer
Urbanite/Chennai-ite/Vizag-ite/Madurai-ite
Religious/secular/spiritual
These are, at best, an occasional part of who I am, and feel like superficial labels.
Surprisingly enough, I have always felt ‘Indian’. This, despite the fact that I think the English-speakers harboured a fascination for all things ‘phoren’ for the longest time. I felt like a Tamilian in Andhra, a Vizagite in Chennai, a South Indian in Delhi, and a Delhiwaasi in Madurai. No matter where I go or live or work, I never seem to completely fit. So, what to me, is Indianness?
Am I Patriotic?
I would like to think I am. But there has been no circumstance under which I could be sure of it.
I cry unabashedly when I watch Bhagat Singh kiss the noose and say Jai Hind. I get goosebumps when I read about how VO Chidambaram Pillai, a barrister and the first Indian to build his own shipping service to compete against that of the British, gave away all of his fortune and died a pauper in jail during the freedom struggle. I cheer for India in a cricket match.
But I am not sure these qualify.
The Undercurrent
India, in my mind, is hand-drawn and the boundaries or borders are fluid. The political borders have never really made sense to me.
In my teens, I did the whole ‘I hate Pakistan’ routine, but that didn’t stick. The culture was too similar.
India does not feel like a portion of the map that has been cut from the rest. I see it more as this large diversity that is being held together by something underneath the surface.
My feeling of ‘Indianness’ stems from this underlying culture.
My identity and my sense of Indianness is, at best, a work in progress.
But I feel #HappyInIndia more than anywhere else I’ve traveled to or lived in. And that’s a really good place to start methinks.
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