Q Satire: Hey Nestlé, Clueless After Maggi? We’ve got Your Back

The Quint comes up with some awesome alternatives to Maggi for Nestlé to rebrand themselves.

Nestlé is in a thick soup. And it’s not tasty! So, the scientists at Nestlé are working really hard to come up with the next best alternative to Maggi noodles. A snack that’s ready-to-cook or ready-to-eat — basically anything that can replace our good ’ol Maggi.

This got us thinking at The Quint of all possible Plan Bs Nestlé could consider. So we decided to expand our horizon and come up with our very own alternatives to reposition the brand.

To begin with, we give you three superb new ventures that would prove to be sure shot hits among consumers.

And don’t worry, we won’t sue you for taking our ideas!

Nestlé Pencils: ‘Lead’ing The Way

Maggi health bhi, taste bhi, lead bhi. Let’s just use this lead in a better way. Should we? Nestlé, let’s lead the pencil market and tell popular brands like Natraj that they would soon be written-off.  After all, Nestlé have excessive lead and this way the label would also not be misleading.

Condoms — 2 Minutes Pleasure

Bas do minutes, that’s all it will take. This would be an instant hit.

MSG 2

Nestlé the MSG (message) is loud and clear. Dera Sachha Sauda chief Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh is planning a sequel to his controversial film MSG (The Messenger of God). This is a golden opportunity for Nestlé to probably co-produce MSG 2. Nestlé then would not need to remove the label ‘No MSG’ from Maggi noodles.

Now we come to some ready- to-eat, ready-to-cook and ready-to-drink suggestions.

And yes, you can thank us later for this!

Energise Your Self

Hey you lazy people. Come on, come on, come on. Ooh let’s get the morning on…. See, your Maggi oats noodle jingle would work brilliantly with the new Nestlé energy drink. In fact, you can use the same ad and have Madhuri Dixit as your brand ambassador. We not only gave you a plan B but also told you how to cut down on expenditure.

2 Minutes Poha

The vegetarians would be delighted to see a ready-to-eat 2 minutes Poha. Poha is healthy, and is popular in western India and beyond.  Saaru Che!

Ghass Phoos Salad

Sounds boring? Yes. But hey, keeping your past record in mind, this time let’s stick to some fresh food. Salads are fresh, without any preservatives, and have no added flavours (hopefully!). Let’s try to keep things fresh and simple.