Dear Shankar Lal, Your Allegiance to Gau Mata Moved us to Tears

What an innovative way of utilising cow excreta, don’t you think?

Uh-Oh!

Did we just embark upon a world where every ounce of cow excreta wasted could be detrimental to our social lives? Is this the world that Jaddu warned us about eons ago when he gave Hrithik Roshan his adolescence back?

Damn you, prophesies! I knew I should have taken soothsayers more seriously.

RSS’ ideologue Shankar Lal’s suggestions vis-a-vis cow protection and its innovative use of waste disposal comes at an opportune time; it helps reignite the lost reverence for the gau mata.

If you’re suffering from a crushed social life because of your phone’s limited battery, then go back to the prophesies and do as Mr Lal says. We have collated some of his gems for you: read, preach, and apply.

Cellphones suck energy, just put some cow dung: RSS ideologue https://t.co/bZ92oMZGAz pic.twitter.com/KQssut6mEJ

— The Indian Express (@IndianExpress) August 6, 2016

We don’t NOT expect Twitter to not have an opinion on this. Here are some gems.

#dungkajung We drink cow urine and have extracts from her dung...Shankar Lal, now I know why you and your brethren stink so much.

— purba dutt (@purbadutt1) August 8, 2016

Fascinating! What kind of indoctrination and brain washing goes into making rank idiots like Shankar Lal? https://t.co/czO1m0jXXt

— Subhabrata Dasgupta (@SubhDasgupta) August 7, 2016

@IndianExpress With this kind of magical powers I wonder why they have not produced "100% Gobar Phone" in their RSS labs.

— Hakuna Matata (@chetan_naik) August 7, 2016

@IndianExpress He should puts some gobar on his head also,surely grass will grow.

— Amjed Hussain (@Notboma) August 6, 2016

On Friendship Day, I want to wish my RSS friends & remind them to put cow-dung on their phones. For good health. 😄😅😂 https://t.co/blXY9FCwsn

— VISHAL DADLANI (@VishalDadlani) August 7, 2016

#Gobar #CowDung & its effects on the brain demonstrated by this RSS man, one of the 20% the PM says are genuine pic.twitter.com/HJyU5lcI2M

— Kavita Krishnan (@kavita_krishnan) August 7, 2016

Side Effects: Your phone, hands and hair will constantly smell of cow effluents; you may lose some friends but will gain some in the bargain too.

Those who will stay with you will be those who take cows, RSS and vigilantism seriously, so the best ones basically – those who believe in extra-terrestrial creatures, unicorns and Jaadus.