(Friendly warning : This is a work of satire)
Hey Deepika and Ranveer,
We are so happy that you're tying the knot and because we did less than a year ago, we thought we could probably make it a little easier for you (haha just talking from experience you know).
Honestly, you have made a bit of a mistake by announcing your marriage dates.
Remember, every movement of yours will be captured and some will make front page news. Media didn’t even spare our family pandit and his arrival at the airport was the big news story that day.
But well, done's done, can't be undone.
Get Yourself a Better Hashtag
First things first, ‘DeepVeer’ is so not working buddies. We know you didn’t come up with this just like we didn’t come up with ‘Virushka’. Please take charge of the situation and fix something better before these newspapers and online media popularise ‘#DeepVeer’ and then the situation is out of hand.
Desi Designer Drama
Remember, what you’ll wear for your wedding is not JUST your business. There are high stakes on whether there will be a His and Her Sabyasachi lehenga, Anuradha Vakil or a Gabbana. You better make your decision soon, and make it right, and make everyone happy.
Beware of the Rain!
You’re rumoured to get married in Italy’s Lake Como and we tied the knot in Italy’s Tuscany. Kid you not, Italy’s weather can be a b*tch. Make sure people around you are well equipped with raincoats and umbrellas. You can be all dolled up in designer wear and airbrushed make up but there’s nothing that bad weather can’t spoil.
Where everyone will perhaps be wearing warm coats, the two of you will have to keep each other warm with just your love.
Be Ready for a Paparazzi Fry
Be sure that your wedding will be ALL OVER social media even before you announce it’s done. We aced the varmala scene at our wedding so you guys can perhaps try the sindoor moment as your big Instagram moment. Whether or not you match our ‘cute’ quotient there are always points for trying.
because moments like this don’t come everyday
We heard you’re planning two receptions — one in Bangalore and another one in Mumbai. Watch your step, everything will be on Insta.
Good Luck Keeping Whatever You Can a Secret
We know weddings are a big affair and especially so when peeps are calling your wedding the ‘Indian Royal Wedding’.
You know who can really let out secrets? The Mehendi ladies. Make sure you approve what they put out on Instagram because it will be etched in the memories of millions of people...forever.
You guys have been in the limelight for about six years now, ever since you started dating but getting married amidst all the public attention will be a different ball game altogether. Here’s wishing you a very happy wedding day...and we hope we’re invited!
Yours lovingly,
Virushka :/
(At The Quint, we question everything. Play an active role in shaping our journalism by becoming a member today.)