To Pass Modi’s Nationalism Test, Mug Up these New Words & Phrases

Achhe Din is not a mere term and cannot be included in this. Do not overstep your limits.

Long years ago we made a tryst with destiny, and now the time comes when we shall redeem our pledge, not wholly or in full measure, but very substantially. 

Narendra Modi, 26 May, 2014.

With these rousing words, Narendra Modi was sworn in as the 16th Prime Minister of India four years to the date.

Confession: He didn’t really say that. I might have slightly misappropriated something that another PM said long ago. That other PM is Mr Modi’s biggest political adversary even though he’s been gone half a century before Modi was sworn in.

Jawaharlal Nehru died on 27 May, 1964. Modi was sworn in as PM on 26 May, 2014. That is exactly half a century, but what is an odd 50 years when you have to settle political scores.

There are many sins of omission and commission that Nehru has purportedly committed – none of which I can comment on with any authority, except for one rather glaring one – he didn’t link his Aadhaar to his bank account for sure.

‘Achhe Din’ or ‘Tryst with Destiny’

Having said that, these men pretty much said the same thing when it came to their vision for India – give and take a few words here and there. Actually, make that a lot of words here and there.

Modi kept it simpler, ‘Achhe din aane wale hain’ (the good days will be here). It does have the same definitive ring as ‘tryst with destiny’. It is a bit like how the Modi jacket has an uncanny resemblance to the Nehru Jacket (now that is a genuine case of appropriation if ever there was one).

Four years down the line, did India come good after its tryst with PM Modi? That verdict largely depends on which party’s IT Cell has access to you on Whatsapp.

I mostly think we are largely on the right path – because a neutral organisation like UNESCO keeps telling us that. But then some unpatriotic fact-checking portal comes and busts that bubble, and I am left a little shaken.

But, today, instead of focusing on things which are not in my domain of expertise like economics (now if only Nehru had followed my policy) - I thought it would be appropriate to commemorate four years of #ModiSarkar with a glossary of terms, names and phrases which have really come into the reckoning post this government being sworn in.

This would equip the most lay observer of Indian politics with the ability to compose half decent insightful tweets with a high probability of RTS. After all, what finally is the purpose of our lives besides social media validation?

A Glossary of Terms

1. Bhakt – A person who has lost all coherent thought and logic when it comes to PM Modi. He can do no wrong.
2. Liberal – A person who has lost all coherent thought and logic when it comes to PM Modi. He can do no right.
3. Entitlement & Majoritarian – Part of the liberal lexicon. To be peppered liberally (pun intended) over click bait headlines and self-flagellating tweets. Also known as The Woke Thesaurus on Guilt Tripping.
4. Go to Pakistan – The Bhakt clarion call – is part of the Akhand Bharat vision of the RSS, is a gentle, brotherly appeal to visit what was once ours. Sweet.
5. Gau Rakshak – Animal Lover and mostly a bit of an animal too.
6. Mann ki Baat – The one time PM talks to a captive, unquestioning audience exclusively on radio as opposed to doing that all the time and everywhere.
7. What About – The one question every Indian unfailingly asks as part of their national duty now. So much so that our Preamble may soon have this addendum ‘ We the people of India having solemnly resolved to constitute India into …but, hey wait... WHAT ABOUT PAKISTAN?’
8. IT Cells – Employment generation for a young work force.
9. Aadhaar – A ‘Make in India’ initiative that showed Mark Zuckerberg that we don’t need Facebook to leak our personal data. Yes, take that, Mark.
10. Demonetisation – A dramatic and nationwide ATM appreciation programme. No millennial will step into an ATM ever without being grateful for the comforting whirr of cash coming out.
11. EVM – Works well only selectively (read if the BJP loses)
12. Karnataka – Liberal dream holiday destination currently.
13. Crude – Mostly all bhakts, but in this case linked to our rising fuel costs.
14. Presstitute – Mostly people with a likely venereal disease (read: Sickularism).
15. Anti-National – Mostly Swara Bhaskar

There you have it then – a glossary of terms that have been used frequently in the last four years. Add a few of your own and tweet to The Quint? Words like ‘Feku’ and ‘Pappu’ have been deliberately omitted from this exercise due to over usage and fatigue.

NOTE: Acche Din is not a mere term and cannot be included in this. Do not overstep your limits.

(Naomi Datta tweets @nowme_datta and follows politics from a distance. Make that a huge distance)

(This is a satire and the views expressed above are the author’s own. The Quint neither endorses nor is responsible for them.)