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Bas!
It’s about time we stop following these lists that come up, especially around New Years’ time, and remind us that we suck are awfully-flawed individuals.
Here’s the thing: New Year resolutions are overrated because every year is a year of bad decisions.
From dipping that Parle-G in your tea for a little too long and then watching it drown like the Titanic – slowly and then all at once – to crushing on that one person in college or at work who is way outta your league, each year brings with it its own set of frustrations and heart aches.
The coming year is going to be no different, we all know.
Yet, on 1 January, we will willingly enter the vicious circle of ‘New Year, New Me’ – as we did last year – and as we will continue to do till the end of time.
Here are the stages of resolution-making and breaking.
Stage 1: The Countdown
The gym will be full of to-be-fit people, and the gym owner will cash on the budding sweating optimism.
Gift shops will put their best cards forward, as the hopeless romantics will buy their way into their beloveds’ hearts through the ‘wishes for the new year’ cards, subtly embellished – subtle being the keyword here, as you’re only allowed to go all out on Valentine’s Day – with hear-shaped confetti.
Writers, poets, and stationery enthusiasts will buy new notebooks, hoping that the pristine-ness of paper would automatically instil in them a new vigour. This will be the year of their magnum opus, their bestseller. This will be the year when the muse shall finally make an appearance.
Food and cooking enthusiasts will stock up on the most organic of ingredients and the shiniest of cutlery. This year will be the year of perfectly flipped omelettes, of minimalism and vegan-ism.
This year will be better, this year will be different. Terms and conditions apply, obviously.
Stage 2: Fall From Grace
The narrative changes as soon as February arrives. The fall from grace is only too quick, too soon. Resolutions are meant to be broken, right?
That’s right. The twisted logic behind New Year resolutions is that short-term time-bound goals make people happy.
What makes people happier, however, is the thrill of transgression, even if all that they are going against is the better, more determined version of themselves.
Stage 3: Calm Acceptance
Avoiding the gym for the past two weeks and eating those extra calories? Here, have some fries. Forever behind on your bucket list? Maybe make a new one. Still haven’t landed your dream job? No job is perfect. Have a huge to-be-read list? So does everyone. Unable to muster courage to talk to your crush? Try texting them.
Still think you’re not doing enough or not doing it right? IT’S OKAY! You’re only human. You’ll get there.
The trick is to not sweat it and calm your hyper self.
Word of advice: This year, break the vicious circle of ‘New Year, New Me’, ditch making New Year resolutions, and embrace the imperfections that make you human.
Remember, if nothing else, you are your daddy’s fastest sperm. So, go spermy, go!
(At The Quint, we question everything. Play an active role in shaping our journalism by becoming a member today.)