Amu From ‘Thappad’ Has a Message for Preeti From ‘Kabir Singh’

What we all need to know is that domestic violence is never okay.

Preeti,

The world hates women. Those who give in, those who do not. The ones who raise their voice, and the ones who keep quiet and take all the noise in. Our fight is often the same, the way we fight it is sometimes different. You saw love where it was abuse, I saw love till there was abuse. You chose to tell yourself it is better than it seems, I told myself I will not wait for it to get worse.

Because it isn’t a slap, it isn’t just that. Partners are equals, you see? Abuse is not a give and take. When you hit someone, you do it because you feel like you have the right to. Think of all the people in the world you truly respect: perhaps your favourite teacher, your parents, maybe your best friend. No matter how much they infuriate you, sometimes so much anger fills my bones against my own people that I feel tears run down my face. But do I ever cross the boundary and hit them?

Nobody owns you Preeti. And no, nobody ever will. Not your boss who thinks it's okay to scream at you in front of a crowd, not your parents who might emotionally manipulate you into doing what they want, and definitely not your partner who thinks loving someone means owning them. If you teach yourself that this is tolerable, things will get worse. Because love isn’t that, even if you’ve trained yourself to believe it.

Love isn’t a bed of roses, and it is important to know that too. But never, ever tell yourself it falls that low. Compromise is one thing, disrespect is another.

And fine - maybe, for a second, let’s assume I’m wrong. And it is I who overreacts. Now tell me - where does it stop? What’s the line? Is there one? Today, what is a slap: it is the breaking of a boundary, the most unforgivable one. A slap today could turn into something worse tomorrow. Toxic people keep pushing the edge, you see? They want to know how far they can go. Calling it ‘love’ only encourages them.

For some things, even the love of your life can’t get a free pass. And you’re not a bad person, or a bad lover, for saying that.

Do better for yourself. Generations of women have fought for years, to make this stop, draw a line for them. It isn’t the easiest thing in the world to see the dark in all that gives you happiness. Our minds are crazy, you see? We’ll do whatever it takes to see what we want to in people. The reality is harder to grasp, so we escape it, we lie to ourselves. Our self worth crumbling to the ground, like a sand figurine that a child walked through.

So don’t let yourself fall into the arms of a man who knows too well how to crush your shoulders in to make space for himself. Too many Preetis have sacrificed and kept quiet and been told that “shit happens”, I’ll tell you a secret - it doesn’t. Not every couple is going at each other, physically hurting each other when they’re ‘angry’, because no, that isn’t passion. It will never be.

Let’s set standards for ourselves. We aren’t women who will suffer until we cannot. Put your foot down. Not every woman has that choice. If you do, make it.