Dear Samay Raina,
When you started your career, I thought you were (sort of funny), but a recent roast - Pretty Good Roast Show - that you were a part of makes me think otherwise. Your material, (wouldn't want to call them jokes since they were devoid of any humour) directed towards guest Kusha Kapila, was laced with misogyny and was distasteful. Here's a clip of what you said:
Most of your remarks were about the influencer-turned-actor's divorce. While roasting Kusha you described what a family is and said, “Kusha, family is when you stay with a husband.” It reinforced the outdated, regressive societal notion that a woman’s primary identity is tied to her marital status. As a divorced woman myself what I heard you say is, “If you aren’t married you don’t have a family. Your parents and siblings aren’t family.”
We live in a society where women still find it difficult to leave marriages to carve their own identities and chase the happiness that they deserve because of ‘log kya kahenge.’ Divorce, unfortunately, carries so much shame and stigma till date, and instead of extending a hand of support you became part of the problem.
'You Reduced Kusha's Divorce to a Punchline'
Kusha had created a home with her former partner, so imagine how difficult and painful it must have been for her to end the marriage.
Samay, what you did was reduce the hurt and pain to a punchline. It's hurtful and cringeworthy. I have watched enough roasts and enjoyed them, because they have stayed true to the format and not belittled someone’s life.
I am relieved that every joke that ‘dehumanised’ her wasn’t made public – perhaps Kusha has saved you from even worse backlash. If what I watched was allowed to slide, one can’t even begin to think what was edited. The censor on the video reads, ‘Some jokes have to be removed because we weren’t ready for them’. I also can’t help but wonder if there were other ways for the organisers to take accountability.
Coming back to the roast, in another “joke” you said that Kusha fixed her eyebrows and became fit because people would make fun of her appearance. Another insecurity you tapped into that was completely unnecessary. Then you went on to say, “Wish people had made fun of her marriage too.”
You spoke about a commonality between Kusha and stand-up comic Kullu’s life - “They both live in a broken home.” What looks like a broken home to you is a fixed life for her. The life that Kusha is building for herself is a testament to her resilience and we laud her for it.
I understand this firsthand, having gone through it myself. People often remarked, ‘Think about it, you have a kid. Don’t you know what a broken home does to kids?’ Yes, I do. I come from one too. But I don’t label it as a ‘broken’ home. It was my mother's brave decision to build a secure nest for us. My ex-partner and I also took a similar decision to create better lives for ourselves.
Imagine staying in a marriage that doesn’t bring you joy. Should one stay in it to conform to the societal definition of a family? What made you think that is the only definition of a family?
You also laughed at the fact that Kusha and Zorawar decided to co-parent their pet dog. You said, 'Give the dog to Zorawar, at least he'll have one loyal (beeped in the show) kut**a (beeped out) in his life.' Casually using that derogatory term for a woman, in front of an audience or otherwise, and passing it off as humour is not comedy. When one of the comics, while roasting you, said , ‘Samay 6 saal ke audience ka favorite hain,” I think he got that wrong, because even they know better than to talk like that.
'Punching Down & Using Misogyny to be Funny Must Be Called Out'
I don’t know what transpired between Kusha and her ex-husband for them to part ways, but it couldn’t have been an easy decision.
Punching down and using misogyny to be ‘funny’ in the name of ‘dark humour’ should be emphatically called out.
And it’s not like this behaviour is surprising – after news of Kusha’s divorce broke, trolls were quick to start blaming her for everything. She was labelled a ‘gold digger’ and worse and, unsurprisingly, these are phrases you used as well.
The episode was in such bad taste that Kusha took to social media to release a statement, saying that when she was ‘begging’ them to keep the ‘unkind’, ‘raspy’ and ‘dehumanising’ jokes out of the final airing, she was told that she should have expected these as she is a divorcee.
Samay, do you agree with what she was told? You may have not said this to her, but your remarks prove that you subscribe to the same thought process. Will the world not let her move on?
It's not just me - in fact, some of my male friends who watched the roast found it equally distasteful. I am only stating this because you might think I am upset just because I am a woman who has a ‘broken’ home. Even the internet was quick to point out how problematic the comments are.
You didn't bat an eyelid before saying that you will roast Kusha in a way that people will say ‘Vakaye mein Delhi ladkiyon ke liye safe nahi hai.’ If people start thinking like this, I am not sure the society, at large, is safe. One can’t help but think about how we live in a world where a male comedian is allowed to make a joke about the lack of safety for women in our country but when women bring that up, they’re trolled.
As a public figure, I wish you paid attention to the influence your words have on our audience.
Yours sincerely,
A divorcee with a family
P.S- Kusha, more power to you for standing up and calling them out, and I am sorry you had to sit through it. Here’s hoping we can all do better.
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