You’ve Consumed Too Much Ranbir-Alia Content if You’ve Read These News Reports

I swear, these are all actual news reports.

It's nearly impossible to avoid the Ranbir-Alia news reports, and the media is losing its mind as the day gets closer. This means that even though there isn't a lot to report, the media will keep dishing out stories, or fake ones even, just to keep the news running.

While some reports are subtle, others have made it clear that clicks come above everything else! If you've fallen down the rabbit hole of Ranbir-Alia content and want to know whether you've taken it too far, I've got you.

If you've read any of these new reports, believed them, or even worse, shared them, I welcome you to evaluate your priorities and (sorry for the candor) focus your time elsewhere.

1. Alia to Hold Off Motherhood for a While Post Marriage

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If their wedding isn't causing enough stress, there's this report that has taken this whole thing not one, but ten steps further and started planning Alia and Ranbir's family for them. Arre, pehle shaadi toh ho jaane do.

We have many moments to look forward to in Bollywood, such as Vamika's preschool photos and Taimur's Instagram debut before we have to worry about Alia's kid.

P.S. This news is "exclusive" only because nobody else will publish nonsense like this.

2. Fans Starting an Online Petition for Ranbir-Alia to Release Wedding Photos

If there exists a visual representation of peak vellapanti, it is this petition. Distressed fans who were tired of relying on speculation decided to start this petition and asked the couple to share their wedding updates with Viral Bhayani and Pinkvilla.

Honestly, if this isn't the level of obsession you have, just denounce yourself as a Ranbir and Alia fan. Take a look at the petition here:

3. Report Implying Katrina, Deepika Leave Mumbai to Avoid the Wedding

We all love drama, but someone needs to draw a line or else this stuff will get out of hand by the time the wedding is over. I'm sure that unlike the people who come up with this stuff, Katrina and Deepika have actual jobs for which they have to travel constantly. But kudos on the effort. Spinning news in a favourable narrative is a skill our media has mastered!

4. Ranbir Kapoor to Spend Rs 1 Lakh for ‘Joota Chupai’ Ritual

When I first read this report, I thought, '1 lakh? Isn't that kind of less?'

With all this wealth, I for one, will be disappointed if Ranbir spends just 1 lakh on joota chupaai. Even the varmala should be more expensive than that!

5. Astrologer Predicts “Family Interference” in Marriage

This report by India Today suggests that Alia and Ranbir's marriage will see some interference from family members. The tarot card reader also claims that Alia's career will go as well as it going now, but that Ranbir will need to work more on it. She also said that the marriage was more "practical", and not just entirely based on love.

Come on yaar, give Neetu ji some credit! If she can be so supportive of Alia holding off motherhood for a few years, why would she cause any interference in their marriage?

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5 Honest Thoughts I’ve Had as an Ent Journo Covering the Alia-Ranbir 'Wedding'