Major spoliers ahead but I don't think that will matter if, unlike me, you have no intentions of watching Amazon Prime's latest Evil Eye which quietly dropped on 13 October. Co-produced by Priyanka Chopra and Blumehouse Productions, Evil Eye promises Indian-American representation...just not the way you expect it to.
1.
Evil Eye is quite desi in the sense that it takes every Bollywood plot ever and creates a very unique khichdi of it.
There's purnajanam, there's love, there's marriage, there's murder, and also some nosy Indian aunties.
2
Evil Eye is basically Om Shanti Om set in an American context.
It stars Sarita Choudhary as an annoyingly superstitious mother obsessed with her daughter Pallavi's marriage (Sunita Mani). Literally the oldest story in the book. There's not a single desi person who hasn't lived this plot.
3.
I don't know who is responsible for the Indian wardrobe in these movies but I'd like to have a word with them. Why are all the saris so tacky?!
4.
The trailer of The Evil Eye promised a dark crime thriller bordering on horror. I'm here to tell you that The Evil Eye is anything but that.
Although they've used plenty of horror sound effects so, at the most, it's a confusing experience.
Honestly.. real life right now is more horror than ‘The Evil Eye.’
5.
After a long string of setups that go nowhere, Pallavi finally meets Sandeep (Omkar Maskati) at a cafe and they hit it off. But suddenly, Pallavi's mother, Mani, is suspicious about him.
The only thing you need to know about Sandeep is that he's super rich so he celebrates 'month-anniversaries' by getting his girlfriend expensive jewellery and also, the actor playing the character is just awful.
How awful? Think B-grade Bollywood film villain whose movie you only come across when you want to watch something absolutely trashy during lockdown.
6.
Why can't these Indian diaspora films ever get the Hindi accent right?? Why are people talking like this???
7.
The entire film is basically Mani and Pallavi talking on the phone with each other..
Releatable quarantine content 10/10.
8.
The point of this movie is for me to hate Sandeep, who is actually a reincarnation of Pallavi's mother's abusive (and dead, obviously) ex boyfriend.
But I think I hate Pallavi's dad more because he told Pallavi about his wife's abusive ex without his wife's consent.
[I think my brain just broke while writing this]
9.
I really thought this film would debunk the evil eye superstition..but nope. It only shoves the idea down your throat.
The Evil Eye is like a creepy version of Indian Matchmaking. Mani is Sima from Mumbai and Pallavi is definitely a weirdly emotional version of Aparna.
10.
In conlusion: I think The Evil Eye is just *too* Indian for even its Indianaudience. It takes every Indian cliche ever and just mixes it in a giant cauldron with a bad script and terrible actors.
(At The Quint, we question everything. Play an active role in shaping our journalism by becoming a member today.)