Your Lungs Now Need to Be Linked With Aadhaar to Breathe Clean Air

Have you linked your lungs yet?

(On 13 March, the Supreme Court “indefinitely extended” the deadline to link Aadhaar with some services. In light of the order, The Quint is reposting this December 2017 article from its archives.)

The Centre has issued a notification that mandatorily directs all citizens to link their lungs to their Aadhaar card in order to access clean air. The move, hailed as a complete game changer in citizens' access to essential resources, will curb corrupt citizens from consuming greater clean air than deemed necessary, and will correct the inefficient distribution of clean air in the country.

The linking of Aadhaar to lungs will allow the government to regulate and track the amount of oxygen and carbon dioxide citizens inhale and exhale. Thereby, the linking will ensure that there is efficient allocation of the resource of clean air.

Naturally, persons without the Aadhaar card will not be allowed to access any clean air.

The Clean Air Scheme is the reason behind the earlier articulation of Aadhaar cards for cows. Other animals such as dogs, cats and buffalos have been found to lead to inefficient distribution of clean air, unlike the cow, which consumes clean air most efficiently. A decision is yet to be taken by the authorities on whether birds and bees consume clean air efficiently.

The centre estimates that linking Aadhaar to lungs will result in savings of nearly three metric tonnes of clean air. These savings in clean air will be used by the government to set up the world’s first Clean Air Bubble, which will serve as an incentive and reward for businesses in order to promote the economic growth of the country.

Incidentally, the Central government will also set up the world’s first clean air market. The idea of the clean air market was mooted a few years ago but corporations were unwilling to invest in the market due to lack of information.

During a press conference, the newly appointed Minister for Clean Air, Vayu Fayedakar, said, “With lung linkage, Aadhaar will now be used to combat air pollution. This is wholly unsurprising as Aadhaar has time and again proved to be the cornucopia that keeps on giving. It has already weeded out fakes from our welfare systems, reduced illegal transactions, fought cases against benami property, and helped unite missing children with their families. Now, it will ensure that no clean air is diverted to fakes and will boost the GDP of the country.”

In attendance at the same press conference was Ghutan Jeevan, a 33-year old worker hailing from Madhya Pradesh. He had raised his hand to ask Fayedakar a question about checking the release of air pollutants by industries and vehicles, but he began to suffocate halfway through the conference. After being rushed to NIIMS in an ambulance, it emerged that he did not possess an Aadhaar card. Fayedakar later commented, “The Aadhaar-less man who claims to be Ghutan Jeevan is a ghost person without identity, who was, until now, been illegally consuming the country’s clean air. Thankfully, we have rolled out Aadhaar lung linkage to check such instances and bring efficiency.”

(Srujana Bej is an undergraduate law student at the National Academy of Legal Studies and Research (NALSAR) in India. She has a keen interest in human rights law and public policy. This is a blog and the views expressed above are the author’s own. The Quint neither endorses nor is responsible for the same.)