Fear is what I have while writing this piece.
On Sunday, 4 August, while I was talking to my father back home in Kashmir, he said, “Don’t worry if we aren’t able to communicate for a few days, this too shall pass.” Immediately after, I felt uneasy and could sense that something terrible was going to happen. Since Sunday, I have been continuously checking my social media timeline for any news on Kashmir, what’s happening or what is about to happen in the state.
For the past one week, things have been moving in unprecedented ways in Kashmir. From news being circulated on WhatsApp to evacuate non-Kashmiris, increase in the deployment of forces, people stockpiling fuel and essentials, every update added more restlessness to the already anxious Kashmiri back there, and to me in Mumbai as well. I couldn’t possibly understand what’s happening.
I have seen and lived in an era which saw militancy at its peak, but this sense of hysteria never existed.
It’s been a rough week and I couldn’t sleep. What made it worse was the security lockdown in Kashmir and prominent leaders – including three former ministers – being placed under ‘house arrest’. My curiosity and anxiety had increased manifold.
We have heard separatists being placed under house arrest, but when former chief ministers are placed under ‘house arrest,’ one is smart enough to realise that something terrible is going to happen.
Just like in a chess game, when you don’t know the opponent’s move, Kashmir hung in balance as well. For the first time, landline connections were down and I couldn’t help feeling anxious in Mumbai because I couldn’t communicate with my parents back home. I felt frustrated and angry. These are basic civil rights, which in the name of security were being taken away.
The Breaking News
And then it happened.
Article 370 and Article 35(A) were effectively revoked. This has been the headline of every news channel. Many were tweeting with celebratory hashtags.
How did this make me feel? I felt my identity was stripped. I felt like weeping my heart-out, and tears rolled down.
Article 370 is my identity and the promise which this country made to Kashmiris when they chose to accede to India.
Let me tell you, I believe in democracy and peace, and I believe in the idea of India but what happened today, wasn't democracy. It was the show of power. It was a message to Kashmiris that their thoughts were not being taken into consideration.
I am scared, I feel crippled and weak.
There are thousands of Kashmiris like me who are outside the state and have been put in a state of despair because of the communication blockade. This isn’t democracy, this isn’t my idea of India or the idea I acceded to.
I went back to an old book that had a few lines written by Rabindranath Tagore, which made me wonder if this is the same country he aspired and wished for:
“Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.”
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