At 28 years, Sumeet Patil is doing well for himself. He’s well pedigreed, has attended premium educational institutions, has a career on the rise and has also invested in Mumbai real estate. He’s also well groomed and in pretty good shape.
But twice a week this bachelor visits a clinical psychologist to overcome a completely unexpected break up… one that’s left him questioning if all his stellar credentials can find him true love.
Sumeet’s girlfriend dumped him because he didn’t have the perfect body. He is healthy but doesn’t have the coveted six pack abs. He runs a few kilometres every other day but is not a marathoner. He can do a few push ups but hasn’t got the biceps John Abraham so popularised.
I thought I was fit and good looking until she started telling me my body was not good enough. I started gymming more, dieting more and sleeping less but she would keep telling me that it wasn’t enough. I was just shocked. And now I keep wondering if everyone else thinks this way about me.
– Sumeet
The Great Gender Divide: Along Body Lines?
Mumbai based clinical psychologist Dr Varkha Chulani says the male body image was never really discussed until a decade ago. Until then it was a woman’s job to fret over her body.
“The emphasis on the chiselled body, the perfect abs…the generic shift towards being uber fit has made men self-conscious too… almost as much as women,” says Dr Chulani.
Also based in Mumbai, psychologist Dr Seema Hingorrany agrees and says she has personally seen an increase in the number of male patients who are battling low self-worth or, in extreme cases, even depression because they don’t look as good as the men who gym regularly and achieve what’s considered the ideal physique.
What’s sad is, this ‘pressure’ to have that fab body is usually self-afflicted – especially by younger men.
Men below 30 are more influenced by what the media puts out. The younger generation believes greatly in the immediate projection of themselves because they’ve seen an age where marketing, image building on social media and what’s on display counts more than ever.
– Dr Varkha Chulani, clinical psychologist
She also warns young men against forced gymming to meet unrealistic poster boy looks. “We’ve had cases where young men were so focused on ‘building their body’ that they took protein shakes and supplements galore. Excessive protein intake led them straight to a hospital for kidney failure.”
What adds to the mental agony is the difference in how both genders deal with the issue. While women talk and share, men are almost clandestine in dealing with how they feel about their bodies.
Dr Hingorrany says that this is one of the major reasons why men get emotionally more affected.
They’ve been conditioned to be macho and not show their anxiety. So even if they’re feeling inadequate physically, they will not share this.
– Dr Seema Hingorrany, psychologist
How do you Deal with Body Image? Experts Help
So how should you (man or woman) deal with the pressure of looking like ‘perfection’? Here’s advice we’ve compiled from both our experts.
1. Don’t conform to somebody else’s version of ‘perfect’. Choose your role models yourself.
2. Focus on being healthy instead of blindly emulating a certain body type.
3. Be realistic about your body. We all have different body types, different reaction times to diets and workouts. Study your body before setting physical/fitness goals for yourself. Take help from experts.
4. Do not allow social pressure to dictate your life. And certainly don’t let the opposite sex decide what your body should be like. You are more than your physical self.
5. Focus on your strengths, on things that you are good at and enjoy doing them.
6. Anyone who focuses on only your superficial/physical aspect should not be in your life. Period.
(Radhika Bajaj is a journalist and news presenter with over a decade’s experience in Indian media. She has also designed and created content centred around women, lifestyle, health, entertainment, business & travel and enjoys writing about the same.)
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