Sexolve 64: Has My Boyfriend’s Sperm Made My Girlfriend Pregnant?

Sex, sexuality and relationships decoded.

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationships, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As below:

I am a Woman in a Committed Relationship with a Man, But I’m Attracted to Another Woman.

I am 28 years old and in love with a guy for 7 years and been very sincere and I like the sanctity in the love. But, since the past one year I've noticed that I get seduced by women. Am I more attracted to women? I really don't know. I have not liked any boy in that way till now, like I've liked women. In my profession, I interact with many women. I get awestruck by them and I am unable to move my eyes away from them. It is not the normal way. That would stimulate me. I had ignored this, though it was hard. But last month when I had an encounter a woman, I didn’t ever imagine that those thoughts would never leave me. Every time after the encounter, when she spoke to me, I was in pain. In pain that we cannot be together. We never met post that one night. After over two years I overcame her thoughts. Whatever happened with me, is it normal? Am I a lesbian?

I feel that I cheated my guy by thinking of her. I feel guilty. The whole thing was started by her only. Is it right for her to do like this?

Committed to Love, 28, Coimbatore

Dear Committed to Love,

Thank you for sharing your life with me. I understand how difficult it must have been for you to get over the thoughts of the girl. I also know how challenging it must have been to keep all of this bottled up inside you for so long. Having said that, I should also add that you are normal even if you get attracted, either in one incident or forever, to any human regardless of gender. For instance, I am a gay man. I love men. I think of making love to men. However, it is not that I have had no attractions towards women. Or that I have not had one or two sexual thoughts that I termed as awkward.

It is okay to feel “drawn in the moment” when you are with any of the genders, irrespective of your sexual orientation. It is human to go weak. It is human to even react to the sexual stimuli or feel sexual. The problem arises only when you try to define it. I cannot tell you if you are a lesbian or a bisexual. No one but you can label your feelings. I am but asking you a bigger question – why do you want to put any label to your feelings? Feel what you are feeling minus the guilt. And regarding your boyfriend, I don’t know your equation with him, but I can tell you that fidelity is not defined by just sexual relationships, it is much more than that. If he loves you, he will understand.

So, please give up over-thinking and take charge of this moment. If you get these lingering thoughts again, acknowledge those thoughts without revolting them. It will pass away like a passing cloud.

Love, keep the faith.
Smiles,
RainbowMan

Is My Girlfriend Pregnant with the Child of My Boyfriend?

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a bisexual man. I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend. I love the taste of sperm, recently when we were having a threesome (my girlfriend, my boyfriend and me) I swallowed my boyfriend’s sperm and then after completely swallowing the sperm, I licked my girlfriends vagina. Now my girlfriend is missing her periods by a day. I assume she is pregnant, even though she has not had unprotected sex at all. Is it possible that there would have been one sperm in my mouth of my boyfriend that spilled into my girlfriend’s vagina and she became pregnant with my boyfriend’s child? How do I come to know?

Mr Adventure

Dear Mr Adventure

Good lord. I am not a qualified doctor, so might not be able to offer proper medical advice on this. However, I can share my opinion. Verify it with a doctor. In my opinion, the sperm I know is a lazy chap. He doesn’t have the energy to travel from testicles to penis to someone’s mouth and then from the mouth to someone’s vagina and travel all the way to the egg to make a baby.

Like, maybe there is some remote possibility on paper, but I highly doubt if something like that happens in reality. Sometimes periods get delayed for reasons other than pregnancy. So chill maadi.

Smiles,
RainnbowMan

I am a Gay Man Unhappily Married to a Woman

Hi RainbowMan,

I am a gay man. In my growing years, I always had an attraction towards males. I also had sexual relationships with many guys. Most of them were I think straight. I was exploited and used too much. It all made me depressed. Then at the age of 23 or 24 I stopped having sex with guys. I did not have sex for around 2-4 years, even if I had the craving for it.

Then I start thinking of living my life as a straight man with a woman. So, I started looking for a girl to marry. Then I got married to a girl. I was so scared after marriage, I did not feel any attraction toward my wife. We did not do anything for around 2-4 days after my marriage. Then we went for our honeymoon and with the help of some pill, I managed to have sex with my wife.

As time passed, I used to have sex without a pill but with no interest. Eventually, we also had a child. Now after 10 years of marriage, we both are fed up. She is not happy, I am not happy. I still get attracted to men.

Please suggest what we should do now?

Man In Distress

Dear Man In Distress,

Thank you for writing to me. I understand how difficult it would be for you and your wife to deal with this. The foundation of marriage should be in love, not lies or compromises. More than you, I must confess, I feel sorry for the woman who you married. She didn’t deserve this. Poor thing, she didn’t even know what she has signed up for.

It is never too late to mend things. Please don’t continue this misery for too long. Have an open discussion with your wife. Ask her what she wants and if she thinks parting ways would be a better option. Ensure that she is secured financially and emotionally. Share the responsibility of the child with her. In fact, I am most terribly worried for the child’s future here. This is not about you man, this is about her. She didn’t deserve this. Seek her advice on every step that you take and let all of these be mutual discussions and not unilateral ones. There could be light at the end of a tunnel.

Regards,
RainbowMan