Sexolve 65: ‘Do Women These Days Store Blood to Do Black Magic?’

Have questions about love and relationships? Ask Harish Iyer.

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationships, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As below:

How Do I Get Over Him?

Hi RainbowMan,

I'm a 28-year-old guy. Though I was always bit confused about my sexuality, it didn’t bother me so much, till I met a guy in office. From the day 1, I felt attracted towards him so we soon became very good friends. Since we used to stay in same PG, sometimes he used to get drunk and sleep with me on my bed. We ended up being too “cosy” with each other, exchanging cuddles and hugs. I thought this would head in the direction of love, but after 3 months, he made a girlfriend and suddenly went away from me due to which I changed my office. After changing office, we talked very less and 3 years passed slowly. I met him last year finally and got to know that he's going abroad for office project. Now he doesn't even stay in India.

But it’s been 3 years but I’m not able to get over with him. I think about him all day. I have felt connection and the love in his eyes for me but he never confessed anything like that to me ever. What do I do now, I really want to move ahead?

Reply awaited.

Regards,
Confused guy

Dear Confused Guy,

Thank you for sharing your story with me. I know how it feels like to be confused about one’s sexuality. I also know how it feels like when you find someone you are hugely attracted to and are unsure of his love. I have been there. I know. For us gays it gets more complicated, because besides deciding of our object of love loves us back, we need to also figure out if our object of love is homosexual or bisexual at all. It is all a shot in the dark.

There are times, love, when we get attracted to people because we like a person’s over all personality. We sometimes also feel close to sexual toward them. Do you feel sexual towards other men? Maybe, you could gauge your sexual orientation, after checking on that. Sometimes, such attraction could also mean that you simply like a person too much. Like, say, you would have some men who are obsessed with Hritik Roshan and convert his large size photo into their wallpaper, but not really have their celebrity sexual fantasy with him.

But sometimes the aura of the person you love is so strong that you feel a strong urge to hug the person or even live with the person forever. There may not be anything gay in that at all.

Regarding your inability to get over him. Does he really feel the same way towards you? Perhaps it would be a good idea to investigate. Maybe just speak to him. If you are awkward to ask him if he is attracted to you, perhaps it would be a better idea to ask him if he missed you. Go on the safe zone. And check if he puts you in the friend zone, lover zone or bro zone.

Give it a shot.

With you, all through.
RainbowMan

My Penis is in Shrunk Position Always

Dear RainbowMan,

Sir! I need your help. I lost a very important reason to be happy in life. I feel terrible because of my penis. My penis is in shrunk position always. It does not stand normally even if a young sexy girl is being unclothed in front of me. To get it to stand I need to masturbate very hard. Then it stands but quickly falls when it penetrates in my partner… right after one or two pushes inside the vagina. I am desperately seeking a good treatment and ready to pay whatever capacity is in my hand.

Push Pinder,
Bhatinda

Dear Push Pinder,

You need to see a sexologist personally for a physical and psychological examination, so that the doctor is able to examine the real reason for the challenge that you are facing regarding maintaining your erection.

Is there any kind of performance anxiety during sex? What do you mean by “quickly falls” do you mean to say that you sperm quickly or you lose your erection quickly? Do clarify all these points with your sexologist. Feel no hesitance and share openly so that the specialist is able to help you.

Let me tell you another thing – don’t make this the “most important reason to be happy in life”. Your happiness cannot be based on how erect your dick is. You are more than how you perform in bed. Let your sexual challenges overtake your life. Just live on.

Smiles
RainbowMan

My Mother Tells Me That Women These Days Store Their Blood to Do Tantric Black Magic

Dear RainbowMan,

I caught my wife storing her sanitary pads in the bathroom for one day and throwing it next day before the municipality person picks up the bins for cleaning in our area. I think she keeps the pads inside at home to store blood. Ever since I got married, my health and wealth has gone. My mother tells me that women these days store their blood to do tantric black magic.

Rahul,
Kerala

Dear Rahul

In all possibility, your wife is possibly embarrassed to leave her blood-soaked pads at the bin for a day as it could be deemed unhygienic to do so. You and your mother need a reality check and maybe some psycho social therapy. Do see a counsellor.

If your health is deteriorating , I have a few tips for you. Every morning go for a jog, sleep well, eat well. If you seem to be going downhill with terms to your wealth, please pick a financial advisor or look for a better job.

Blaming your failures/stagnancy on women is a very old technique to hide of your own incapability and insecurity. Be modern. Try something new instead. Like, trying to work hard.

Your wife deserves better. Hope she is independent and finds her own wings to spread. And I also hope she finds a new nest.

Smiles
R

(The copy of the text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the person. You can send in your questions to [e-mail])

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)

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