Fantasies of Leo’s Achy-Breaky Mama

Do you know what I fantasise about these days (and nights)? Massages, confesses new mommy Simrat Ghuman

Do you know what I fantasise about these days (and nights)? Massages.Yep. Boring and bland as it may be, as I lie in bed after another long day, waiting for my mind to calm down, stop making endless to-do lists, and go the f*** to sleep so my body can do it all again tomorrow, all I can think about is a massage. A long, luxuriant deep-tissue massage.I even made Darling Husband get me some massage vouchers for my birthday (after I had a meltdown because he initially bought me some health food; sugar-free, salt-free and obviously taste-free. If there was a hint in there, he should’ve known better!)

The Littloo Workout

Like all Punjabis worth their salt, I considered myself indestructible. And admitting that my body aches, is a little scary, regardless of the fact that this has come to pass for a noble cause – carrying around my precious first born. When I wake up in the morning, I don’t walk, I hobble; thanks to newly acquired stiffness, thanks in turn to endless walking, which might be great for my health, what with all the fresh air, but isn’t very kind to my legs. My wrists get sharp twinges. My knees feel funny thanks to endless bopping for those elusive burps. Oh and my arms? Let’s say they are beyond hurting - and are probably solid muscle now. And given all the lifting one has to do (before the carrying part), this baby lark is also great for upper body strength too!

Littloo’s Carriage

Littloo loves the outdoors and we go for at least two walks a day if not three. Be it the pram or the papoose, the motion must not cease. Should I stop to get a cuppa at a café, he rouses himself grumpily as if asking, what, is your battery running low already? How long do you need to recharge, woman? Giddy-up, let’s go, move that arse. Darling Husband aka Littloo’s Spin Doctor says he’s just trying to keep his mama fit.

Pet Peeves

I also dream about rowdy teenage bikers. Yanking them off their unsilenced bikes and giving them two hard slaps to be more precise. Every time Littloo is jarred awake by one of these, I grind my teeth and mutter obscenities under my breath at the receding biker. As quite evident, I have suddenly developed a sharp intolerance for things that hardly registered on my radar before.

Other pet peeves include bumpy pavements, loud music and any place that takes more than an hour to reach. And there are new things that I have to consider - like baby-friendliness of restaurants: will they have nappy-changing facilities, will they be nice if the baby cries?I’ve been in a restaurant where the waiting staff was plain rude upon being asked to accommodate a baby and I’ve been in another where all the staff plus the chef came by to say hi to the baby. No prizes for guessing which one is a firm favourite now.

More Dreaming

I dream about my office having a crèche – I’d be back at work in a snap if it meant I could go check on Littloo every 3-4 hours. I dream about brownies that didn’t make one fat. I dream about magically squeezing back into my dresses. I dream about getting off my arse and actually doing something instead of just dreaming. (Well, in my defence, Littloo has a cold, and I’m therefore indulging him and myself by letting him sleep in my arms, which in turn has rendered me immobile, so go away!)

(Simrat Ghuman is Head of Communications and Marketing at Anthemis Group in London. A former TV journo, she has just taken her first step into motherhood and will be serialising her quirky take on motherhood in the ‘Leopreet Ki Ma’ blogposts. You can read her (hilarious) journey through pregnancy in the Preggers blog below.)

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