Sexolve 30: My Doctor Molested Me During Check Up, What Do I Do?

Your questions on sex, sexuality, love and relationships - answered here.

Sexolve is equal rights activist, Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationships, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As below:

My Boyfriend Bites My Penis

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 27-year-old gay guy in a steady relationship since the past 5 years. My boyfriend is older to me and is very understanding. However when he gives me a blow job he bites my penis. Sometimes it hurts really bad. What should I do?

Raul, Somewhere

Dear Raul,

Come on! What do you mean by “what should I do”, just tell your partner off.

There is no relationship if it is not in the realm of respect for each other’s bodies.

You should not take this shit from him lying down. But do examine if his teeth just touches your penis while he is suckling to it or does he really bite. Because it could well be an issue of tact and not about causing pain really. If it is the latter, you should rise up and speak up. There are other ways of pleasuring in love and romance than biting. Start speaking up. Stand up for yourself. Only you can.

Regards,

RainbowMan

My Doctor Molested Me During Check Up

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 20-year-old girl. I recently visited my doctor for a routine check up as I was feeling uneasy. He made me lie on the bed and put his stethoscope on my breasts. While he was doing this, he slipped his fingers inside my blouse and dug deeper into it till he touched my nipples. All this while he acted as if he was still examining me but his fingers revealed his intentions. I was way too scared to speak up. After he finished I just ran home. I have lost faith in all relationships. The guy is my family doctor and is as old as my grandfather. I am way too scared to tell this to anyone, can you help?

Seema, Beyond Borders

Dear Seema,

If you feel uncomfortable about a touch of any kind you should tell the person off. No one has the right to abuse your body or touch it without your permission irrespective of their profession. I understand that the person here is in a respectable profession and also is respected for his age.

Get this right.

Of course respect old people. But remember, you should respect behaviour more than age.

So, if a septuagenarian is misbehaving with you, don’t give concession to his age. Reprimand him.

Actually more than anyone in your family standing up for you, I would rather prefer you standing up for yourself and then having people standing up with you. Stand up for yourself, tell him off, and then get some trusted family member to listen to your ordeal.

Also don’t let this incident completely wipe off your faith in humanity. Keep the faith.

Hugs,

RainbowMan

My Boyfriend Teases Me For Being Fat

Dear RainbowMan,

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 5 years. I was slim and trim then. Now I have developed a little fat over my tummy and have a round belly. My boyfriend keeps bullying me for my fat deposits. He says that sex is not good as I look ugly because of my tummy. Recently he said that he can’t get his penis to reach me as my tummy is an obstruction. I am very upset.

Soft Heart, India

Dear Soft Heart,

Since when did you start letting others define you? You are what you are. Not what others think you are.

Come on. You are fat. You will be fat. You will be thin. And you will be everything in between. It is your body. You will enjoy your body in every state that it is in.

And about your boyfriend – well it is damn insulting to have someone say such cruel things on bed. What kind of a man is he that he defines his love with the distance between his penis and your vagina. Tell him off, I say. Explain to him. Check if he changes. If he doesn’t, dump him.

Darling you deserve better.

Regards,

RainbowMan

(The copy of the text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the person. You can send in your questions to [e-mail])

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)