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Passport: Check
Tickets: Check
Currency: Check
Toiletries: Check
Clothes: Check
Phone: Check
A book to read: Double Check
That’s all you and I need to survive in a foreign land. But if you’re Justin Bieber then this checklist is oh-so-middle class! Why carry regular stuff when you can pack your washing machine, a ping-pong table, a sofa-set, upholstery, a cupboard and a refrigerator too?
Yup. You might need a mover and packer service to help you with the ‘Justin’ kinda list. But for the Grammy winning pop-singer, these are just a few of the many luxuries that’ll follow him on his four day trip to India. The 23-year-old will land in Mumbai a few days before his Purpose Tour Concert at the DY Patil Stadium on May 10.
Justin’s bizarre demands are just like his ridiculous acts, that had no logic but were simply to satisfy his cheap thrills.
The 10 containers that are being flown in will also include a massage table, a jacuzzi, a Playstation and IO HAWK. IO HAWK? Are you serious? You could have just asked Shah Rukh Khan to lend you one from his Dilwale shoot.
Bieber, here’s a gentle reminder that you are coming to India, not Timbuktu. We are pretty advanced and our hotels are well equipped to provide you with your own fridge and washing machine. After all, we’ve hosted biggies like the Obamas, the Clintons and even the king of pop, Michael Jackson!
Bieber you are a 23-year-old man, who wants his hotel room to be adorned with purple carnations, vanilla room fresheners, Dove body wash and hydrating lip balms. And just when I thought you sounded less like a Canadian singer and more like a Japanese schoolgirl, your next demand proved me wrong.
Apparently, you’ll be provided with a licensed female masseuse, who will be specially flown in all the way from Kerala, to ‘service’ you through your stay. I’m begging you, whatever you do, just don’t pose butt naked. This is Bharat, not Bora Bora.
Anyhoo… I hope along with all your uber cool stuff, you’ve also packed mosquito repellent. You see Maharashtra ke machhar are not really ‘outsider friendly’. And with your kind of demands, you definitely should not risk getting bitten.
Coconut water, almond milk, strawberry and vanilla protein powder, raw organic honey, decaffeinated herbal teas and platters of fresh fruit and vegetables.
By the way, for a four-day trip, this is a lot of food for that little lean body of yours. Looking at your khana khazana list, it’s best you carry some haazme ki goli too.
Phew! But there is more…
Vegetables seasoned with ranch sauce, diced fruit, organic bananas and seedless grapes. Snacks must also include a deli platter of organic turkey, lettuce, colby and provolone cheese, black olives, as well as green and banana peppers.
Lastly, backstage demands include white sliced bread, potato chips, mint and watermelon gum, white cheddar popcorn, Ghiradelli dark chocolate with sea salt and almonds, menthol and watermelon gum, vinegar chips, organic dried fruit, peanuts, and an all-berries cereal.
Thank god, you didn’t make the mi-steak of adding anything even remotely to do with beef. Otherwise, you were done my friend!
Bieber you’re clearly not a lightweight traveler and looking at your past record we just hope you are not sent home packing.
(At The Quint, we question everything. Play an active role in shaping our journalism by becoming a member today.)