Why Only “Sir” Gets to Check if the Beer Bottle is Chilled?

All the world’s a rage, and all the men and women merely players; We have our sexists and our misogynists; One man or woman in his/her time plays many parts; Their words being several cages.

At first the fawning waiter, handing the bill to the male patron and not his female companion. Would placing it between them mean less of a tip?

Why does only “sir” get to test whether the beer bottle is chilled enough or asked his opinion about the food? Does the lady have less sensory perception?

Then the whining traditional aunty, with her sparkly mangalsutra and shining mournful face. A woman must have a husband, she says, if she “wants society’s respect”. Doesn’t a woman’s self respect count for more? Are marriage and motherhood the only checkboxes to be ticked off; the only measures of a woman’s success?

And then the lover, roaring like a furnace. A woman with a job is “headstrong” and should know that her rightful place is at home, serving up coffee to his completely able parents.

Then a retired soldier, full of strange advice. There’s no such thing as a 50-50 relationship between a man and a woman; it’s 60-40 at best and will only work if the woman “gives up her personality” and “compromises 200%”.
Aye-aye, Captain.

And the sniping socialite, with eyes severe and suit of formal cut; full of unwise saws and modern disses. A woman’s job is “just an option,” she spits. What in her valued opinion are a woman’s other options?

The sixth stooge is a loan agent with spectacles on nose and tote on side. “Your car loan will come through easily only if you are married.” Lady borrowers like lady drivers are just never good enough. Turning again toward patriarchal trebles, sexist pipes and and misogynistic whistles in his tone.

Last scene of all, that ends this strange eventful mystery of a woman’s existence: the self-professed “liberal minded” person. Cooing and cawing over a man that cooks, cleans, and “does everything”. Applauding him like he’s up for a Param Vir Chakra. Does the ability for household chores come pre-installed in a woman and deserve no appreciation?

It’s time. Don’t just brush off or “kindly adjust” with sexism, patriarchy, and misogyny. Confront it, call it out, cut it out. Kick it into oblivion. Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

(Dedicated to Shakespeare and the period when all female roles on stage were played by men.)

(“My time will cost you, the sarcasm’s free!” says Sarita, Head of Content at BankBazaar.com. When not preaching Wren & Martin or orchestrating pranks, Sarita loves writing, reading, animals, and gracing global destinations with her foul presence - not necessarily in that order. Rumour has it she’s plotting a new world order for a Utopia filled with cold beer, wagging tails, perfect grammar, and non-fractured funny bones. Certifiably bonkers.)

(Hey there, lady! What makes you laugh? Do you laugh at sexism, patriarchy, and misogyny? Do 'sanskaari' stereotypes crack you up? This Women's Day, join The Quint's Ab Laugh Naari campaign. Pick up that beer, say cheers, and send us photographs or videos of you laughing out loud at [e-mail].)