Scarlett Keeling & the ‘Pink’ Girls Could’ve Been More Careful...

But should women ‘being more careful’ even be part of the conversation?

Should they have been more careful, though? And should we even be talking about it?

Even in the microcosm of The Quint’s liberal newsroom, there have been fierce disagreements over this one question: Should women be responsible for their own public safety to a certain extent, and exercise caution in their daily lives?

You can watch The Quint’s heated debate here.

Any reasonable person can agree that yes, people need to take precautions in dangerous situations, whether men or women. So then what is the disagreement about?

Let’s take an analogy:

In this environment of gau raksha and aggressive Hindutva, Muslims increasingly find themselves targets of violence, especially where beef is concerned.

Find what is wrong with these safety tips for Muslims in India:

“Maybe Muslims shouldn’t carry any kind of meat around in public, it could send the wrong signals.”

“It would be wise if a Muslim wasn’t seen walking alone with cows, someone might think he’s going to slaughter them.”

“Muslims of India, please be more careful. We support you, but police can’t be everywhere… please exercise caution and don’t eat biryani in public.”

All of these are true statements that, if followed, would probably reduce the risk of being killed by a gau rakshak. But we are not tempted to have these conversations the way we have them about women when they’re attacked by men.

Instead, we make the same arguments about women’s safety that we do about, say, theft, or earthquakes. We are expected to see male violence against women as a natural condition, a force of human nature, something that cannot be helped or changed, and so must simply be accommodated in our lives.

But misogynistic violence is not a force of human nature – men are not inherently rapey – it can, must, and has been changed.

What overpowers these discussions is the deep fear many parents, friends, and relatives have for women they care about engaging in risky behaviours.

“It’s not a utopian world. Women know the dangers, so what’s the use in risking their own safety when they could take precautions?”

Just in that one sentence/thought, there are multiple points of difference that go unarticulated.

1. The context matters

When parents, friends, or relatives implore women in their lives to be careful when up against societal misogyny and violence in public, it is done in the context of a safe, trusting relationship, where (hopefully) the women in question know that they are being asked to be careful out of a genuine concern for their well-being.

But when these same, well-intentioned directives are issued to women as a whole, in public, they turn dangerous. Why? Because when you are talking to the nation’s women, who are battling both covert and overt sexism every day, they are not sure they can trust you. You are not their parent, or their friend, or their cousin; they have no way of knowing what your true intentions with these directives are. In the context of the acquittal of the men accused of raping and murdering Scarlett Keeling in Goa, the Union Culture Minister’s warnings to ‘foreign women’ not to ‘go out all night’ or ‘wear skirts’ because it’s not in keeping with ‘Indian culture’ becomes particularly galling. This man too evoked ‘women’s safety’ as the primary concern.

2. What message is being sent?

There is an unintended consequence of telling women to cloister themselves in safety, to regard every man they meet as a potential rapist, to dress modestly so as not to ‘send the wrong signals’, to not drink with men so that there’s no ‘misunderstandings’. This is the subtext:

“Ladies, make sure that when a harasser, rapist, or murderer is out in public, that he doesn’t pick you to target. Let him target a girl who IS drunk and out at night, a girl who IS wearing revealing clothing, a girl who IS consorting with strange men.”

Now, that makes an unfortunate kind of sense when parents are speaking from fear for their children, and is actually valid and understandable. But it takes on a much nastier hue when it is said to women in general, as a group. It serves as fear-mongering and moral policing. When giving safety advice to women, it must not be forgotten that the words are not simply being heard by women. They are being heard by everyone; including men who see these directives as legitimising the notion that women do not belong out at night, or at bars, or in skirts.

3. What do we mean by “use”?

No, one might not see the use in a woman endangering herself just for the freedom to go out in skirts and get drunk with friends at night... seems irresponsible. Risk getting raped and killed and traumatising your family, for what? Some fun with friends out at night?

But it's not about fun, or friends. It is about having to accept that for the rest of your life, you just cannot have the freedoms that the other half – your fathers, brothers, uncles, boyfriends, sons – take for granted, on pain of rape and death.

So while it may not be of any *use* for any single woman to get raped or killed because she didn’t toe the line... for every woman who pays the price, there are more who are pushing these odious boundaries and forcing normalisation. And yes, we understand that no woman should have to bear that terrible risk… but, as you know, it’s not a utopian world.

And the only way of moving towards that ‘utopian world’ – where women can walk around in their regular lives and regular interactions with other human beings without threat of rape or death – is by pushing back. That means reclaiming public spaces and holding men to higher standards. It means treating harassers and rapists as the aberrations, instead of the women who ‘invite’ these crimes.

4. Acknowledging the dangers, where to from here?

There can be no escaping the fact that public spaces in this country are often dangerous for women. Naturally, everybody who cares about women will be looking for ways to minimise this risk. That is fair enough, and it is fair enough for parents and friends to ask women they know to be safe.

So for all the truly liberal, feminist, well-meaning people in society who do place importance on women’s freedom to live their lives and respect women’s push against sexism, here’s some do’s and dont’s for advocating for women’s safety.

So what’s the right way to assist women in their daily resistance?

By acknowledging their right to be in public without diluting the issue by shifting any portion of the responsibility onto them. It means not asking and expecting them, as a group – no matter how worried you are for them –  to bow to oppression for their own good.