When I was getting married, I knew I would add my husband’s last name to my maiden name. There were no two ways about. It was never a topic of discussion during our pre-shaadi phase. I guess there was nothing to talk about it. It was my decision. Period!
So I really didn’t understand why Sonam Kapoor Ahuja was in the line of fire from feminists for taking on her husband’s surname.
Does adding my husband’s surname make me less of a feminist? NO. Do I lose my identity? Hell NO. Nothing about me or you changes or for that matter for Sonam Kapoor Ahuja! We are still who we are. Just like our clothes don’t define us, how can tweaking one’s surname be such a differential factor in your life, and especially so if you decide to take the surname of the person you’ve decided to spend the rest of your life with?
At the end of the day, what you do and how you choose to live your life defines you.
When Feminism Makes You Judgemental
Feminism is about creating a world in which women are equal to men. Where women can make their decisions and live how they want. Sonam Kapoor Ahuja did just that! I’m sure nobody, not even Anand Ahuja, forced her to change her last name. So questioning why Anand Ahuja did not add ‘Kapoor’ to his name is far-fetched and unreasonable.
Why are we even having this discussion? Talking about her decision is in a way questioning the right of another woman to do as she wants. Also aren’t we being overtly judgemental about her personal life and opinion?
Marriage, A Patriarchal Institution
Marriage is so deeply rooted in patriarchy. Even letting your newly-wed husband apply sindoor and putting a mangalsutra are patriarchal. But you still go ahead with it, right? If the same logic is applied here, then one should not get married in a ‘patriarchal’ way.
In fact, the maiden name you’re so strongly defending also comes from your father, your family’s ‘patriarch’. Also, it doesn't necessarily mean that women who make this decision are patriarchal in their outlook or anti-feminist in any way. And while we can speak against the practice and not against the right to decide, we should also be careful not to condemn those, including Sonam Kapoor Ahuja, who change their surnames.
Take Meghan Markel, a feminist and a longtime advocate for women and women’s rights. She too left her home, her country to move to Britain and live with Prince Harry. Nobody questioned her decision or made a brouhaha about her move. Marriage is a patriarchal tradition, which is followed across the globe.
I’m sure Sonam Kapoor Ahuja will prove her feminist critics wrong, just like she did when people doubted her acting ability. What did she do? She went ahead and won the National Award for Best Actor for Neerja.
Sonam Kapoor, ya Sonam Kapoor Malhotra, ya Sonam Kapoor Ahuja. Ki farak pehnda hai? We should just congratulate the newly-weds and move on with our lives. There are far more important issues to deal with than to be or not to be an Ahuja!
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