Monica Lewinsky: “That Woman” Speaks of Shame, Bullying & Recovery

In a recent interview, Monica Lewinsky opens up about her traumatic past & the long, lonely road to recovery.

Monica Lewinsky has gained back all the weight she lost last year. [She’s] considering having her jaw wired shut but then, nah, she didn’t want to give up her sex life.

Jay Leno, 1998

This is just one of the many, many jokes made at the expense of Monica Lewinsky, the White House intern at the heart of the biggest political scandal in the US in 1990s.

Christened ‘The Lewinsky Scandal’, the revelation of a sexual relationship between President Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky resulted in the President’s impeachment. Lewinsky, however, paid a steeper price.

At the time a young woman fresh out of college, Lewinsky found herself at the heart of a vitriolic storm, turned into an object of public derision, misogynistic guffaws and self-righteous, often hypocritical moralising. She could count on no one, as was evident by contemporary feminist writer Nancy Friday’s answer when asked to speculate on Lewinsky’s future:

She can rent out her mouth.

In a recent interview with The Guardian, a rare exception by the media-shy Lewinsky, she discusses the ghosts of her past, and what the future holds.

Voyuerism, Public Gaze & the ‘Tar’ of Shame

A 3,000-page investigative report, compiled by an independent counsel, which included mortifying details of their nine sexual encounters, was released to the world.

That people could read the transcripts was horrific enough but a few weeks later, the audio tapes were aired on TV, and significant portions made available online. The public humiliation was excruciating. Life was almost unbearable.

I felt like every layer of my skin and my identity were ripped off of me in ’98 and ’99; it’s a skinning of sorts. You feel incredibly raw and frightened. But I also feel like the shame sticks to you like tar.

“How Does It Feel To be America’s Premier Blowjob Queen?”

I don’t actually know why this whole story became about oral sex; it was a mutual relationship.

Lewinsky, in response to a young man at a Q&A session

No Country for a “Bimbo”

I was branded a tramp, tart, slut, whore, bimbo, and, of course, ‘that woman’. It was easy to forget that ‘that woman’ was dimensional, had a soul, and was once unbroken.

I felt so shattered, it took me six months to even get up the courage to approach this particular organisation. And when I did, they told me my working there ‘wasn’t a good idea’. It was a very desolate 10 years for me. I was really floundering. I could not find my way.

Trump and The Ghosts That Will Not Die

2016 Republican candidate Donald Trump, never known for either tact or diplomacy, included in his campaign video a snapshot of a young Lewinsky smiling up at Bill Clinton, calling her “fair game” in his battle against Hillary Clinton.

Somewhat unique about my situation is that my narrative is tied to other people’s narratives, people on the public stage. And so my narrative gets pulled into things, based on what other people are doing, even if I do nothing. I’m affected by what happens on the world stage. But I don’t let it deter me. I’m incredibly grateful for the movement I have in my life right now

Healing, Forgetting, Moving On

Lewinsky, after a course in social psychology at LSE, is now a dedicated anti-bullying advocate, frequently invited to give talks at Facebook and business conferences.

[I am approached by so many people] when I’m on the subway, in line for coffee, at dinner parties. Sometimes they’ll say, ‘I went through this, but it’s nothing like what you went through.’ But I tell them that, if I drown in 60 ft of water and you drown in 30 ft, we both still drowned. You either know what it’s like to be publicly shamed or you don’t. To be able to give a purpose to my past, if I’m stuck with my past, feels meaningful to me.

Anti-Bullying Emojis

She explains the thought behind her latest initiative for the anti-online harassment campaign- a keyboard of anti-bullying emojis.

I realised that our brains process images faster than text, which means the fastest way you can help – the least amount of time between someone feeling alone and upset, and feeling just a tiny bit better – is with an image.