Dear Indian Mommies: If Mark Zuckerberg Can Do It, So Can You

Indian women need to stop giving up their professions to be able to fit into the role of a mother.

If Mark Zuckerberg was a desi fellow, things may have been a little different. Yes, it’s almost inconceivable that he would be an Indian papa and decide to ‘give away’ 99% of his Facebook stock to world causes upon the arrival of his own little Goddess Lakshmi, aka Max.

There’s a very high possibility that he would have taken not more than a couple of days off work to celebrate “beti hui hai”; for a beta perhaps he would have taken a week. There’s a lot more to celebrate then, you see. The future bread winner has been born. In his head, paternity leave would be suitable for moms. Maternity is for non-working women in any case. And he doesn’t want his career compromised by being seen as a ‘wuss’ stay-at-home dad. Paternity leave may help him bond with the brat, but it’s bad for the image.

Indian Women High on Motherhood and Low on Profession?

Statistics don’t lie. In India, there are still single digit percentages of women in the boardroom and too many bright professional women in the kitchen. Nearly half of us quit our jobs mid-career to be full-time mothers. It’s the law of Indian nature, it’s what is expected of us and it’s just how it is. Or is it?

Our policy makers and conscience keepers have gone hoarse trying to push women into the forefront of the work force. But we find a way out of everything in our country. Most companies that are required by law to have women on their boards appoint female relatives and get on with it, naam ke vaastey. Surely the government can’t be serious about taking women away from their rightful place and creating the possibility of a domestic battle by making the women sit at the head of a conference room table?

Wait. She hasn’t even made it to the head of the dinner table yet.

No More Blame Game, Dear Mother

I’m not so sure we women want to end up either as dummy-mummies or boardroom proxies just because we have to oblige a ‘reservation’ policy. This ambition must come naturally because of our own abilities and our personal priorities. The interesting part about being a dropout professional is that, we often blame our boredom and lack of accomplishment squarely on others, while in fact, the decision is ours as women to get back on track or become invisible.

We accept ‘go slow’ career paths because we have a child and very often our HR heads find it too inconvenient to accept a bright female colleague accompanied by a wailing infant in the creche. We let them treat us this way. We are not convinced enough in our own minds that the job is worth fighting for.

The husband offers no half way mark to meet us at, because, as we know, bringing up little Pappu is entirely our problem. In becoming complete as a woman with the joy of motherhood, we are supposed to become incomplete as a woman with a career. So we succumb to serotonin fluctuations and stay in our maternity attire long after the bump is gone. It’s a personal decision and not a professional one.

Loving Children ‘And’ Work

I have always believed that Human Resource management is a CEO’s greatest responsibility. Yet we create HR departments in our companies whose role is perceived to be that of a post box. You would almost expect the Head of HR to come around collecting baksheesh at Diwali. He does little more than receive bio-datas and courier employment letters. There are exceptions, of course, but no one is actually changing the rules.

If anything must change in India about making women relevant at work in their after-birth, it’s us women. We need to stop giving up our dreams. Motherhood may have given you belly flab, but it certainly hasn’t killed your brain cells.

It’s time for that conversation with the husband. Educate him if you need to on the joys of fatherhood and how to be a participative dad. If Mark can do it, so can you, honey. Tell your in-laws you enjoy your job as much as you love their son. Ignore any snorts and grumpy replies. Pick up your smart phone, call the boss and let him or her know you are enjoying your baby and that you’d also like to stay on the fast track and on top of that project. Then get up, get dressed and get to work.