'Okay distraction'- that's how Urban Dictionary defines a rebound. "On their own, rebounds will never be enough. But they can be an okay distraction." Rude!
Rebounds can be awkward; but they can also be weirdly comforting.
They embrace us when we are at our lowest. Also, they give some much needed validation, especially after we've been left to feel unworthy after a separation.
Rebound partners share a pretty weird dynamic- they are at once intimate, and yet, so distant.
But what are the complexities that rebounds come with? Are they always a terrible decision? What are the layers that we need to peel before getting into a healthy rebound space? That's what we are talking about in Episode 9 of How I Dealt With It, a podcast about breakups!
Now, how you look at rebounds depends on where you are in the dynamic.
For the one rebounding, it can be some plain ole' fun, but it could very well be a means to feel validated after a rejection.
And for the one who sees their ex rebound after a pretty quick time, it can be a dampener on their self esteem.
Dr Kamna Chibber, Head of Mental health at Fortis, Gurugram has a word of advice for both.
For the Rebound Pro
“Typically, when you are looking at rebounds, they are in the aftermath of whatever you think is your interpretation of what happened in your previous relationship. When you are completely caught off guard, that evaluation of self-worth comes into being.”Dr. Kamna Chibber, Head of Mental Health, Fortis Gurugram
Ouch, is the self-worth bit a bit too relatable? Don't worry. In that case, you need to evaluate whether you are into a rebound for just some fun, or to get a quick dose of validation from an external source? But remember - to seek this form of external validation is a bottomless pit, and not the healthiest reason to seek a rebound. Boring, but true!
For the One Who's Seeing their Ex Quickly Rebound
“That person goes through their own feeling of trying to understand what their worth was. Was I that unimportant in this person’s life that all it took was for this person to go on a rebound and move fastly. What they don’t realise is that actually the person is not over them. They are doing these things to make themselves feel better. That can be devastating for you to see.”Dr. Kamna Chibber, Head of Mental Health, Fortis Gurugram
No one likes to feel replaceable. But then, that's probably a wrong way to look at things. Rather than basing our sense of worth on our relationship, we would be much better off if we based our sense of worth, to our own beautiful, lovely selves. Yass queen!
To Go For Rebounds, Or Not?
Before stepping into a rebound situation, it's important to ask yourself, "Why am I doing this rebound?" And for that, Sejal Bhatt, a comedian from Mumbai, India has a rather interesting test.
“I think you need to ask yourself.. if I replaced the rebound with a tree, or a machine that kept saying I am so amazing, would I still go for them?”Sejal Bhatt, Comedian
If the answer is no, then maybe it's best to sort the emotional baggage and then jump into a rebound. Because as you will find in the podcast, sometimes a rebound can also take you to the one!
(FIT is launching its #PollutionKaSolution campaign. Join us by becoming an anti-air pollution warrior. Send in your questions, your stories of how to tackle air pollution and your ideas to FIT@thequint.com)
(At The Quint, we question everything. Play an active role in shaping our journalism by becoming a member today.)