Sexolve 284: 'I Am Developing Moobs'

(Trigger Warning: Some questions could make you feel agitated. Reader discretion is advised.)

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.

If you have any queries regarding sex, sexuality, or your relationship, and need some advice, answers, or just someone to hear you out – write to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop-in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As are below:

'Old Friends, New Love'

Dear Rainbowman,

Did it ever happen to you that you watch a movie and then your life becomes one?

I have been experiencing that.

I have been friends with someone since the past 22 years.( Ever since we were 7 we know each other), and today we both are in a bond of love. It is weird.

We both have stayed with each other, touched each other, patted each others butt and everything… but there was no sexual feeling per se. And then suddenly, randomly everything changes.

Now suddenly the touch is sexual, we feel like kissing each other all the time and I am also getting wet dreams thinking about my best friend.

We recently confessed that we both are feeling the same way. So I am now experiencing mixed kinda feelings.

I want to love but I feel awkward. My friend feels exactly the same way. I am scared to have sex or proceed further because who knows once we get intimate maybe we will feel awkward and leave each other. What should I do?

Friendly Lover

Dear Lover

Thank you for writing in. Who said that movies happen only in movies. Movies largely are inspired by real life.

Love is strange. Love catches us unawares. A moment when we least expect, it sweeps you off our feet. Love transforms us

We only get better when we remind ourselves that love is a continuous process. Love never stays the same. . And sometimes, in its constant state of metamorphosis, love transforms itself from friendship love to romantic love too.

I know these transformations of love may seem awkward. But do you love the person enough to dare to go through this transformation?

Yes, my friendly lover, I make no fake promises to you. The truth is that things may get awkward sometimes when we have sex with our best friends.

There could be awkward silence, there could be awkward words and maybe, you both know each other so well, and are so transparent that you may find no excitement of discovering the unknown, because you already know so much of each other.

There are myraid possibilities of how things could go weird/ awkward/wrong.

But there is also a big chance that your love will get stronger. There is also the possibility that you both may end up being the most envious friendly couple ever known of in real life.

When you jump, the truth is that you could either fly or fall. But do you trust the wings that love has given you to take the leap of faith, is for you to decide.

You both have the power to ensure that your friendship is unaffected by the sexual intimacy that you may share. Don’t hesitate to seek the help of a relationship counsellor in every step of your journey.

I wish we all could go uninhibitedly on the path chartered by love.

When love knocks at the door, I wish that we give it a chance to floor us.

Love you,

RainbowMan

P.S. Things could go right. Let’s sometimes ive the positive possibility some credit and power too.

'I Love My Boyfriend’s Brother'

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 20 year old woman. I am in a 4 year relationship. We have been sexually intimate since the past 2 years.

My problem is that our love affair is getting bad and the person who helped me when it was going bad and I was emotionally a wreck is my boyfriend's brother.

Now I love my boyfriend's brother, and I feel very miserable that I am doing this.

My boyfriend's brother is a nice guy and we have been hugging and feeling each other while comforting me. I don’t know if he really thinks of me as a girlfriend. I don’t know how I could go about this. I curse myself everyday for loving like this.

Seema

Dear Seema,

Thank you for writing in to me.

Love could happen with anybody at any time. So don’t curse yourself anyday for loving the way you love. But love needs nurturing and nurturing, sometimes takes time. Give yourself time.

I am sure that you are aware that when we are low after a breakup or are in a bad relationship, we tend to make rash decisions and interpretations. We look for solace and love and comfort from people who give it to us easily.

Love is not just caretaking or comfort finding, love is sharing, feeling and being.

Give yourself some space, some time and some time off both your lovers. See how you feel about them. And take it slowly, one step at a time after that.

As far as the love with your lover that is getting bad, check if you want to salvage that or get rid of it.

Bad love is like cancer, it spreads fiercely and eats up emotionally.

Give love to those who respect you.

Smiles

RainbowMan

P.S. Walk into a life of respect and love, walk out of a life devoid of it. That simple.

'I Am Developing Moobs'

Dear RainbowMan,

I am developing breasts. I am a man. Am I becoming a transgender.

Anon

Dear Anon,

Thanks for writing in.

You don’t become a transgender because your body looks different. Transgenders are persons whose sex assigned at birth and self-determined gender are different.

One doesn’t wake up one day and transform to another gender/gender expression magically.

There is a condition called gynacomastia which is caused by imbalance between hormones estrogen and testosterone. Gynacomastia manifests with enlargement of breasts in males.

We shouldn’t making e-diagnosis of this without showing it to a doctor. Please fix up an appointment with a doctor to know more.

Smiles

RainbowMan