Sexolve 276: 'Did My Gayness Rub Onto My Cat?'

(Trigger Warning: Some questions could make you feel agitated. Reader discretion is advised.)

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.

If you have any queries regarding sex, sexuality, or your relationship, and need some advice, answers, or just someone to hear you out – write to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop-in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As are below:

Did My Gayness Rub Onto My Cat?

Dear RainbowMan,

I know what I am going to share with you may sound a little absurd, however, this is important for me.

I have been out as a gay man since the past 16 years. I came out with very great difficultly.

Though I am not out to the world, my parents and my very close circle know that I am gay.

Every time I spoke to people about my sexuality, some others told me that they have also started realizing that they are gay or lesbian or bisexual.

My close friends who know have started telling me that I am gay and am spreading gayness.

Last week, to my utter surprise I saw my male cat trying to mount my other male cat with a lot of sound and purring.

I have started feeling that this is possible – people could spread gayness to other human beings and also animals. I cannot bear me spreading anything to my pets. I love them.

This is getting worse.

I am getting sleepless nights just thinking about this. How do I solve this?

Kitty Dad

Dear Kitty Dad,

First, let me congratulate you on being the dad of felines. It gives me immense joy to see people who care for animals and think of them as their own. You are fortunate to be blessed with the love of a feline.

It is so nice to read that you have come out to your close friends and relatives.

You didn’t make anyone queer. You cant make anyone queer. No one can make anyone queer.

Your courage is infectious. Your sexuality is not.

There is a possibility that they found their courage, drawing inspiration from your life.

As human beings we all are magnets to great stories. We regularly need fodder for inspiration. You are being one.

Homosexuality is not a disease. It is not an infection or an infatuation. It is a variation of sexuality that exists in many species other than humans. And since it is no infection, it cannot be transmitted from one person to another or species to another.

So no, your cats cannot become gay because you are gay.

Cats sniff each other’s butts as a form of communication. It’s their way of saying “hello, what’s new?"

Please keep loving your cats. Being a cat parent is the biggest joys of my life.

Smiles

RainbowMan

P.S. Keep inspiring.

I Feel Dry

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a bad wife. My husband keeps trying to have sex with me all the time and I am unable to satiate his hunger for sex.

I feel dry down there all the time.

I get so dry when I have sex that it sometimes leads to bruises. I am totally fed up. I feel nothing.

I fake so often that I don’t know if the fake is real or the real is fake. If you get what I mean. I am frustrated.

I cannot take this anymore.

The feeling of letting my husband down everytime eats me up. The fact that I fake an orgasm and lie to him lets me down.

I feel suicidal most times. I used to enjoy sex. I am not enjoying anything now. Its been 5 years that we are married. I feel shy to tell this to anybody. It took me the courage to write to you.

My husband one day figured I was not wet and asked me if I want to engage in a threesome to get excited.

I, ofcourse, overcompensated by giving him more pleasure than I usually do.

He said “its cute when you are jealous” and has used that technique of suggesting a threesome a couple of times after that. I am fed up.

Mrs Dry

Dear Friend,

Thank you for writing in and for sharing such a private moment of your life and your life with me.

I know that it would have taken you a lot of courage to do this. Thank you for that.

I read that there are lubricants available that help make the process of love-making smooth, sloppy and wet. Also saliva is a good lubricant in most cases.

However, I should add that no one should recommend putting anything inside your body if they are not a professional doctor. Please seek the services of one.

Sometimes we tend to put our partners desires on a pedestal at the cost of our own. Maybe, this new chapter that you craft hereon, should be about what you want and how you want it.

Do you want a change of scene? A change of technique? An outdoor travel? Maybe, it is time to think about what adds thrill in your life.

The challenge you are facing could be physiological in nature, rather than psychological. I know it feels awkward sometimes to speak about our sex lives to others, but we shouldn’t feel shy to speak to a professional doctor.

Please do the same. Speak to a sexologist and see if there is something that could facilitate natural lubrication.

Also, do not hesitate speaking to a mental health professional. You have been blaming yourself and that’s been leaving you frustrated.

An orgasm for a couple is a team play. In your heterosexual case. You are not responsible for the man’s pleasure. You both need to play together to see what makes you orgasm.

Love making is more about empathy and respect as much as it is about orgasms and making each other come.

Things will get better. You just have to not feel shy to seek help.

love

RainbowMan

P.S. Visit a psychologist and a sexologist…. Abhi.

Dear RainbowMan

Can you tell me a place where I will find educational gay porn?

Mr Whosoever

Dear Sir,

Thanks for writing in.

All of porn is but fantasy. And one should admit that most is unreal.

I have slept with men (in the plural) , I haven’t seen someone last that long or that perfect in bed as they show in porn movies.

If you seek education, please look for specific topics in youtube. There are channels by WickyDKewl, Kenneth Pabon who quite candidly about man to man sex.

Youtube or Wikipedia specific topics to know more about anal sex and other things pertaining to gay life.

Smiles

RainbowMan