Sexolve 216: ‘‘I Want to Have Period Sex, My Girlfriend Disagrees”

(Trigger Warning: Some questions could make you feel agitated. Reader discretion is advised.)

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.

If you have any queries regarding sex, sexuality, or your relationship, and need some advice, answers, or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop-in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As are below:

‘I Want to Have Period Sex, My Girlfriend Doesnt’

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 26-year-old man from the north of India. I have been in love with my girlfriend for the past 2 years.

The issue is that I get really horny when my girlfriend is on her periods and she doesn't let me have sex with her. She says she doesn't want the sheets to get soiled. I think I hate her periods more than she does herself. I am not leaving her for this or anything for someone else who allows me to do this, but I wonder why and how I wonder what should I do? I feel like meeting other girls who would allow me to do this.

My girlfriend doesn’t get jealous only. I feel so much the urge to do this.

Despo Boy

Dear Despo Boy,

Congratulations on finding someone who loves you. Thank you for sharing your concerns so candidly. I will also try answering with the same candidness and honesty.

First, let us speak about period sex. Well, boy, that can get messy and how. Her concerns are genuine. While period sex is pleasurable for you, the fear of a spill all over could be a genuine concern for her.

For you it is an experience that’s out of your body, for her, it’s an experience that’s in her body. She is justified to feel however she wants to feel about it. This is a conversation you need to have with her.

Your desires cannot be at the cost of her consent.  

If she disagrees to having sex during her periods, you should respect her choice, because it is her body.

If she disagrees to having sex during her periods, you should respect her choice, because it is her body.  

If you love her immensely, as you claim you do, make some space for empathizing with her. Does it seem right that you think about going out with other people just because she doesn’t consent for period sex?

If her concern is laundry that she would want to do after there is accidental spillage during period sex, then I would suggest that you volunteer to do the laundry.

Also, I would suggest that you don’t use jealousy as a validation of love. She may put all of her trust in you, the onus is on you, to ensure that you keep up to the love and trust she places on you.

There are some men who philander, we always have the option to not be those men, and rather build your relationship on the bedrock principles of kindness, empathy, collaboration, and love.

Love,

Rainbow Man
P.S. Her body, her rules.

‘My Girlfriend Is Thinking of a Threesome’

Dear RainbowMan,

My girlfriend and I have been together for many years now. When she and I had gotten into an affair, she was bi-curious, and recently, she told me that she is bisexual and had made out with a girl. I was furious when I got to know about his illicit affair with a girl. How could she have hidden this fact from me??

However, after a few months, things eased out and we are back to loving each other like we used to before. I want to understand from you about two things… 1 how could she suddenly remember that he is bisexual. Was she hiding his bisexuality from me right from the beginning? 2. She has many times conveyed that we should have a threesome sometime. She didn’t force the threesome on me, but she did tell me that she would love to do that. I want to know if she wants me to be in a threesome with a third guy or with a woman?

If I am not comfortable doing a threesome with a woman, will she leave me? My friend tells me to grab this opportunity to have sex with two women at a time (if it is a woman). My heart doesn’t allow me to do so. What do I do? Are all bisexual women cheaters like this?

Too Much Love,
Mumbai

Dear Too Much Love,

Thank you so much for sharing.

First, let me speak about the bisexuality part. Let's consider this, cisgender heterosexual men can fall in love with more than one woman, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are with more than one woman all the time.

We all know of men who are in multiple affairs, but we also know that they are capable of committed relationships. The same is the case with bisexual people. Just because a person is bisexual doesn’t mean that they are having multiple affairs at the same time.

That’s not the default setting. They may have desires, not all desires need to turn to actions.

I am not judging your partner for suggesting a threesome, however, if you dislike it, you should express it to her candidly.

As a couple it is imperative that you chalk down the ground rules for the relationship. You need to have the uncomfortable conversation – about likes, dislikes and things that are “no go” zones. Don’t make this a sermon from you to her, or from her to you, but keep it in the zone of a discussion. 

One could discover that they are bisexual at any stage of their lives. The realization could be triggered by people or situations. However, there are times when there is no trigger per se, but just as people grow up and look at their desires more intently, they could discover that they have an inkling towards certain sexuality. The truth is that only they would know what their sexuality is and no one else can have any say on it.

If she tells you, she is bisexual, believe her. “cheating” is not a default setting in bisexuality. And to be honest, are you taking it too far, she has only discussed with you as of now, she hasn’t gone out with anyone. As a matter of fact, everyone is capable of cheating, being committed, having ethical poly relationships irrespective of their gender or their sexuality. There is no default setting.

Love,
Rainbow Man
P.S. Trust, discuss.

‘Watersports? Golden Shower?’

Dear Rainbow Man,

I have been wanting to experiment in sex a little too much. I have been fascinated by swallowing and golden showers in porn sites. I have been longing for both. I wanted to know if I will get pregnant if I swallow my husband's cum? I also wanted to know if pee drinking will lead to me not manufacturing pee myself? Will I end up peeing my husband's pee?? If you know what I mean?

KinkWali

Dear Kink Wali,

Thank you for writing in.

You will not get pregnant if you swallow your husband’s semen. The sperm goes through the digestion process when it reaches the stomach.

I don’t know if you should drink sperm first or urine, or both or neither. I can definitely tell you that you should be aware of sexually transmitted diseases and bacteria that affect the urinary tract which could make its way to the two liquids you wish to consume.

As far as I know, there could be several reasons for your kidneys not producing urine, I am not sure that the sole reason could be because you consumed someone else's urine.

Be safe, even when you are adventurous.

Smiles

Rainbow Man

P.S. Good luck. Keep tissues handy.

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children, and animals.)