Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.
If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to sexolve@thequint.com.
This week’s Q&As below:
‘My Girlfriend Is Older Than I Am, How Do I Convince My Parents?’
Dear RainbowMan,
I am a 25-year-old man. My partner is 28. Age is a factor that never came in our relationship till date. We have been a loving couple. She loves me as much as I do, sometimes more. People’s views have never come in the way of our loving or thinking. I wonder though, whenever we decide to tie the knot will we be able to afford this privilege of not being bothered? My father surely wants a girl who is younger to me. My mom’s concern doesn’t arise from misogyny, it is the inverse. My mom tells me often that girls are younger than boys in marriage because girls are more mature than boys, and there would be more equilibrium when the bride is younger than the groom. I don’t want to disappoint my mother, but I don’t want to leave my girlfriend either. How do I manage this?
Double Trouble
Dear Double Trouble,
Firstly, congratulations on your relationship. I know how wonderful a feeling it is when you have someone who loves you back.
I may sound like a hopeless romantic when I write this to you, but the greatest pleasure of mankind is not to love, but to be loved back.
I should also put on record that though I believe that we live in a world filled with love, such reciprocative love is rare. You are the lucky one. I am certain you realise the privilege you have.
Age is a matter of the mind. As long as you are in love, never mind. You are never too young or too old for love.
As far as your mother’s wisdom goes, I am sure that if she loves you, she will turn around and accept your partner. What’s more important to gauge is whether you love your partner enough to not put her through a test of something that she cannot change.
It is not her fault that she is older. It is not your fault that you are younger. You love each other, and the love you share should be strong enough to cross the barriers of age.
And a person who is 40 could seem like a 20-year-old. And a 20-year-old may seem like 40. Age may certainly mean more life in this planet, it may mean witnessing more eras but that is where it ends. It may not always mean more experiences and more wisdom.
Love, that in itself, is ageless.
If your mother loves you, she would come around. If she doesn’t, she would come around in some more time. In your quest to please your mom, don’t make love the casualty. Love is a fortune. You are fortunate. Don’t waste it.
Love
RainbowMan
PS: Love always wins. I swear!
‘How Many Sperms Are Needed to Make Someone Pregnant?’
Dear RainbowMan,
I would like to know how many sperms are required to make someone pregnant? Secondly, I read that we produce sperms during intercourse. Do we produce sperms or are they already alive inside the body?
Curious
Dear Curious,
To put it very very simply, sperms are formed by the male reproductive system - testicles, to be precise. Hormones stimulate sperm production. Sperms are not organisms by themselves.
Sperms are ejaculated during intercourse when achieving climax which is usually accompanied by the peak of sexual desire (orgasm). But sperms are produced without having intercourse as well, that means they’re already there in our body.
I will have to give you a complete rundown of the male reproductive system, if I will have to explain this. I suggest you google it and watch this video that I have picked up from the internet for your reference.
Smiles
RainbowMan
PS: The internet has a load of information. Explore the load.
‘Does My Wife Have a Penis?’
Dear RainbowMan,
My wife has something that looks like a penis. It shows up when we have sex. Is she transgender? I will accept her even if she is, but is she? How should I ask her? Should I get her tested by a doctor?
Worried Husband
Dear Worried Husband,
In all possibility, the thing you are referring to could be the clitoris. I suggest that you read up about female anatomy.
I don’t know about your equation with your wife. I guess it should be okay to innocently ask her what a certain organ in her body is called.
I should tell you though, that in a place where pleasure for women is shunned, many women themselves don’t know what a clitoris is.
Do meet a sexologist yourself to update your views.
You don’t have the right to subject your wife to medical testing just to clear your doubts. She has a mind of her own and her own will.Please don’t let your mind wander there.
Updating oneself is better than insulting another. Knowledge is power.
Good Luck
RainbowMan
PS: Thank you for your big heart. However, you should know that she is already accepting you the way you are.
(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)
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