Sh*t Gynaecs Say But Shouldn’t: Women Respond to Sanskaari Advice

‘Oh, it’ll all be okay, once you get married.’
‘Come with your mother the next time, does she know you’re doing all this?’
‘Oh you’re unmarried? We can’t test you for PCOD.’

All these are statements some ‘sanskaari’ gynaecologists have told women in real life. So many unmarried women are wary of going to see a gynaecologist for their health, only because of the fear of how their life will be judged. And when “morals” come in the way of medicine, it can have serious consequences.

Here are some 'advice' that gynaecologists have given to women in real life. And here’s what Indian unmarried women have to say to the them.

“Are you married?” is the first question a lot of doctors ask women. What they really want to ask is if they’re sexually active or not. So why the hesitation in being upfront about it in a conversation between a doctor and their patient?

This hesitation is where judgement stems from. What business does an unmarried woman have being sexually active, right?

This one’s a favourite. When a woman with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) walks in, most commonly heard advice is “it’ll be okay once you get married and have children.” At least eight women we spoke to, or read accounts of, have been told this at some point.

So, instead of giving medical advice and treating the problem, the advice is to suggest getting married? Because there’s a belief that being sexually active and having kids may set the body cycle and hormones straight? Well, what if someone doesn’t want to get married and have kids?

Another instance that stands out is when a gynaecologist refused to check a woman in her early 20s for PCOS as the test will be too “intrusive for an unmarried woman”. This after the patient’s mother herself told the doctor that she is sexually active and any “intrusive” test shouldn’t be a problem.

“You’re unmarried and have UTI? You must be mistaken and there’s no need for a test.” That’s another gem a woman was told by her doctor.

Well, here’s a lesson in UTI (urinary tract infection). Sexual activity is only one of the many reasons someone can contract the disease. And it’s not even the most common cause. It’s an infection that happens in the urinary tract, the bad bacteria can get there without having sex too.

This trumps it all. Abortion. Be it India or the West, a woman’s right to her body and her decision to abort is dismissed several times.

“Come with your parents or your partner and we’ll talk about it.” “Why did you have sex if you weren’t married?” “This generation doesn’t know the importance of waiting till marriage.” Yep, I repeat – these are all lines doctors have told women in real life.

Here’s the thing. If I’m an adult woman, I can legally ask for an abortion. And no parent or partner needs to sign it off.

So how about we respect women’s choice instead of asking for their parents' signature?

Video Editor: Prashant Chauhan