Shah Rukh, we don’t have much time, you and I. Five years, at best. You would have become an honorary star and my days of swooning over stars would be over too. What we began years ago will vanish, just like that. Do you want it to end like this?
You came into my life just at the right time. I was stepping into my teens and you were cute and likeable, perhaps the most likeable on TV in those days. Then films happened and your likeability became a force to reckon with.
He took me by surprise, to be honest, this new Shah Rukh that had burst on the big screen with a delectable freshness; chocolate but so not, dark chocolate, no? I kept a distance, I liked that homegrown, boyish version better. And that’s why I will always belong to that section of your fans who love you best not for Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaayenge but Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa and Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman. There is a slight but huge difference in both fan bases.
For eg, my favourite film of yours is Baadshah (after Chamatkar), as much for the film (it is hilarious) but more so because of the other you in it, the goofy, silly, self-deprecating you, which is where your charm comes from, and your charm, as you know very well, is the main ingredient of your star power. That is also why you are the only Bollywood star who is widely loved across all sections of ages, genders, classes and countries; that charm speaks to everyone equally.
Maybe that is why, for me you are forgettable in Baazigar, Darr, Karan Arjun and the likes, and dismissible in the DDLJs, KKHHs and RNBDJs. Anyone else can do that. I think you have raised your eyebrows too high by now, at my temerity. Allow me to explain.
You are who you are today because no one else could do any of that then. But that was back then. Today you are so much more than a Rahul, Raj, Arjun and I am sorry to say, Raees. If back then, the images of your roles created your superstardom for you, today your superstardom is creating your roles for you. It is something to worry about, not for you, but for people like me who have not much time.
No, I don’t have cancer nor am I dying soon. Maybe, it will make sense if I say here that the film that made me fall in love with you was Om Shanti Om, quite late in life. For full twelve years, since DDLJ, I rejected you, maybe because I was rejecting love and you were such a huge, eye-popping symbol of it. My best friend was a huge fan of yours and DDLJ and the only thing we’d draw a blank to talk about was when it came to you. I couldn’t understand the brouhaha about you. I liked you best in all your flops (Dil Se..., for eg) and hated you in most of your hits (Mohabattein tops the list) and I couldn’t understand what the hell was wrong and where, with me, you, or the world. Then, 12 years later OSO happened.
My room-mate was a huge SRK fan who would watch IPL and support KKR not because she liked cricket but coz SRK. I wanted to feel ‘in’ with this crowd who sighed over someone collectively and the OSO trailers and music was extremely promising. I came out of the cinema hall, all converted. Wide smile, relishing the Khan-Khan combo once again after Main Hoon Na, there was such a modern Manmohan Desai cinematic gaze there. Both of you have the same idea of the hero in your head and somehow she helps bring that out in you so much more better than for eg, a Karan Johar or Aditya Chopra who impose their version of a hero on you to play.
It is the flair and professional conviction that you play those heroes with that wins, not the belief behind it. You don’t believe in the heroes you play with them and it shows. You believe in the more, different, varied, and also slightly unacceptable; an opening that can help you pour yourself out of the limits you have placed yourself in. And this streak of edginess is what works wonders in otherwise miserable films like Anjaam, Darr, Don (1 & 2), Fan, and now Raees. But it’s like you want to keep the edginess reigned in, keep its leash in your hands alone. You shine without effort, but your surroundings don’t shine with you. I keep wondering what it would be like if you could once again hand over your inner leash to your director.
I think you tried that in My Name Is Khan, but the vision of the film failed you once again. And you jumped back to wooing audiences with your dimpled smiles and producer star power. Watching Ra.One was a professional hazard but I refused to watch Chennai Express, Dilwale and Happy New Year despite the Khan square (All 3 have been dumped on me on bus rides). Something was rotten in the state of Denmark.
From MNIK, I stuck to SRK the person and ignored the star. I stopped watching your films but would seek out your interviews, talk shows, celebrity appearances. Your real-life personality was offering me so much more than your films. You had so much to give, so ready to share. Your hunger and unfailing dynamism were inspiring and despite not waiting, a part would always be looking out for what SRK does next.
I began to understand why your fans love you the way they do. Your controversies, both real and fictitious, did not bother me because despite all that arrogance or maybe because of it, your honesty shows, and that is enough. But I was looking for more, more of you in a world that is you, and with every film announcement I’d wonder if it will be this time.
With Raees, I thought it may be so. I was hopeful but unsure. You dazzled and how, but that’s it. Neither did your dazzle light up your surroundings nor did the surroundings edge your rays. It was a star vehicle, not a film. Yet again. I came back dreaming about how lovely you and Mahira Khan look onscreen and how sparkling the chemistry between you and Nawazuddin was, I don’t remember anything else and I saw it yesterday. But I remember a lot from Chamatkar, I saw it last ten years back.
I am not here to tell you to return to that, because there is no returning to anything ever. I am just here to tell you that I want to see more of you in your films, as keenly as you seem to want to show him, or maybe more. And I am worried that if it does not happen in the next few years, it may never happen again. And I won’t have any Shah Rukh to swoon over because as you say there can be only one King, no? And only one Baazigar, you know what I mean.
(Fatema is a decade-long moonlighter as fiction/non-fiction writer, reviewer and currently enrolled in an adventure sports course called film editing at FTII.)
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