Bade Miyan Chote Miyan Review: Akshay Kumar, Tiger Shroff Film Is Beyond Saving

At some point while watching Bade Miyan Chote Miyan, I felt my eyelids getting heavier – had I perhaps not slept enough? That would’ve been my first hypothesis if it was any other film but with this film, the answer was clear – the ‘action entertainer’ was just boring. Honestly, an action film doesn’t always need a lot going for it – the thrill of watching well-crafted action on a big screen is enough for a film to be an enjoyable experience but this film feels like you’re watching the same films you’ve watched before. Not only that, you’re also somehow watching them all at once. 

The Ali Abbas Zafar directorial introduces the ‘motive’ early on – India has developed an one-of-a-kind weapon which is the ‘most powerful and dangerous weapon ever made in the country’. And don’t worry, if you ever forget that clearly tough to remember fact, people will keep reminding you. The weapon, naturally, falls in the wrong hands after a masked villain attacks the convoy transporting it. He then sends a warning to the higher ups that ‘war is about to begin’.

Naturally, one of the bosses (played by Ronit Roy) says there’s only two men who could stop this threat – Freddy and Rocky played by Akshay Kumar and Tiger Shroff. 

These two court martialed army captains will be tough to track down and convince, so one Captain Misha (Manushi Chhillar) is put on the case. I apologise for essentially prattling out the movie’s plot because there’s really not much to talk about. Very little makes sense in the film – like who do people who already have the nicknames ‘Freddy’ and ‘Rocky’ get another set of nicknames ‘Bade’ and ‘Chhote’. They could’ve just called the film Freddy Aur Rocky Kii (Not So) Prem Kahaani. 

But I digress. This is a role that Akshay Kumar could play in his sleep – he is after all, the ‘Khilaadi’ – and that’s what it looks like. He suits the role and he’s matching the steps but that’s about it. There’s not much for him to do regardless. He does most of the heavy lifting when it comes to the film’s light-hearted scenes but that is to be expected. Tiger Shroff looks pitch-perfect as he flies and sways through the air, at one point reminding of someone in Moon Knight cosplay. This film does, however, prove that the chemistry he had with Hrithik Roshan in War will remain unmatched. 

That being said, some of the banter between the two is enjoyable, especially when they take digs at each other about the generational gap between them. That being said, there is a running gag about how Tiger Shroff’s character is notorious for cracking the worst jokes but this feels more like an easy way out in case the audience doesn’t connect with the film’s humour. The reason for believing that is simple – even writing a bad joke requires that specific skill. Here, that intention doesn’t land.  

Bade Miyan Chote Miyan doesn’t, however, rely on portraying its heroes with the same ol’ hypermasculinity – these heroes like to have fun instead. And yet, one can’t help but wonder where things like paperwork and diplomatic relationships have gone when they solve most of their problems by firing at and blowing up places. 

Alaya F’s character, Dr Pam, is one of the more intriguing characters – a young, talkative, flirty tech genius is a refreshing shift from the usual brooding geniuses we see in cinema. It also helps that Alaya looks like a natural in the role. Prithviraj Sukumaran, who plays the antagonist, also seems to be making an earnest effort to make the character work. He looks imposing enough to seem like someone to be scared of even though the characterisation is working against him. 

The most annoying thing about Bade Miyan Chote Miyan is its insistence to ‘tell don’t show’ – in fact, if the film was converted into an audiobook as is, you wouldn’t miss anything. There is some hope for commentary about the futility and dangers of mob mentality with the villain’s project but maybe that is better saved for another film. 

All of this would have still been salvaged by impressive action sequences but none of the set pieces really work. The action in Zafar’s Bloody Daddy for instance was so well choreographed that it overshadowed most of the film’s flaws. The camerawork and the action worked together seamlessly to create an engaging experience but here, the two seem to be in a fight of their own. To be fair, the camera does capture the exotic locales well. 

The music works well enough while you’re watching the film if you’re in a particularly foot-tapping mood but the songs end up being forgettable. While all of this is going on, you’ve been hearing about metahumans, A.I, human clones, and mind control among other things. 

If that’s up your alley, maybe this film will be fun for you. And the ‘maybe’ in that sentence is doing a lot of the heavy-lifting.