When Udta Punjab’s director, Abhishek Chaubey, decided to paint Punjab on a realistic canvas, he probably didn’t foresee the fire-fighting he’d have to do with the Indian Censor Board and the Punjab Government before the film’s release.
This is not the first time that the Censor Board has left us baffled with its decisions. Recently, a kissing scene in the latest James Bond’s was too much for our sanskaari regulator and it got the axe. Maybe they were hoping for someone like an Agent Vinod? Jungle Book got an adult rating apparently because the animal world is more scary than Kapil Sharma’s misogynist humour.
Which leaves us wondering...what’s the rationale that CBFC employs? What’s going on at these meetings?
Here’s an imagined day in the life of the Indian Censor Board. It’s so true that we’ll fox you into believing in it :P
A day in the life of the Indian Censor Board
Censor President to Secretary: Jai Mata Di, Jai Hind, what are we to chop, I mean, deem watchable for the audiences today?
Secretary: Sir, Jai Hind! There are a couple of movies starring Anupam Kher, Salman Khan, and Sooraj Pancholi, which according to me reflect Hindu sensibilities brilliantly. They are also progressive: women in all the movies are either working or married or both. The Sooraj Pancholi film however, borders on sedition as he dares to run with his woman (who is a Hindu). Things eventually do fall into place, though.
President: Any racial, sexual overtones? Any religious deities offended, any cuss words used?
Secretary: Not Really, Sir. In Salman’s movie he mows down people sleeping on the streets; in Anupam Kher’s movie, he takes a jibe at homosexuals by caricaturing them. Goddess-like women are revered in every movie and they are #Lightlybeaten if they overstep their boundaries. They are great family movies, if I may call them that, Sir.
President: That’s a lovely spread of cinema; that’s precisely the kind of movie we must aspire to! The newest bunch in Bollywood is tampering with our cultural heritage. Look at Anurag Kashyap, Anurag Basu, Abhishek Chaubey and the like. They perpetuate hatred through their movies and set a wrong example for the younger generations.
Secretary: Sir, there is one last movie called #UdtaPunjab, the one that you watched, remember? Uska kya karna hai, what about it?
President: The movie should be banned. Our movies should portray us in a positive light. If one has to preach, it can be in the form of a documentary. Bollywood should be fun and frolic. Take cues from Jacqueline Fernandez’s movies. Umm, order 89 cuts in it.
Secretary: Will get it done, Sir.
The Censor Board might be decreasing the creativity levels of our industry, but it’s upping them on Twitter. Here’s proof:
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