Dear Salman Khan: A Letter Against Normalising Age Gap In Films

The prevalent issue of age gap in Bollywood can have real-life consequences

Dear Salman Khan,

I am writing this letter to you in context of your latest film, Radhe. To start off, let me state that I have worked with your brother Arbaaz and know him to be a decent human being and anything I write from here on is directed at turning your attention to the content that you star in and the values it perpetuates. It is not personal.

There’s an elephant in the room and perhaps people on the inside have become inured or have at least learnt to live with it. I have the advantage of being on the outside enough to see it and inside enough to know how very damaging it is.

I wonder if you have heard about the concept of “grooming”, a mere Google search will tell you all about it. Let me summarise it for you anyway – Grooming is the highly insidious and creepy process that abusers follow where they start by normalising their ensuing criminal behaviour. Typically it consists of inappropriate touching, remarks that sexualise an interaction and wearing down a person’s psyche so that they become vulnerable.

You can imagine that this only works when the power equation is skewed – so children (boys and girls) are groomed by paedophiles, women and men who are in need of work are victims too, then there are people who are already vulnerable because of their personal circumstances and most older people can do this very easily to younger minds. The grooming is followed by sexual abuse, rape, physical violence and other such heinous crimes that the victim accepts because they no longer think it’s possible to stand up to it. They have been groomed into submission.

You’re probably wondering right now “What does this disgusting stuff have to do with my mass entertainer?” Here, I will draw a picture for you: It’s lockdown time; an excited family gets together to watch your film Radhe. Gosh! the men love you because they want to be you, the women love you because they want to be with you and I can place a wager that many of the men would imagine being with you as well.

There you are on screen, your machismo firing on all cylinders and you start romancing a girl so young that she was floating in the celestial ether when you scored your first blockbuster.

At this point the uncle in his thirties, who deeply identifies with you, turns his gaze to the unsuspecting 8 year old and secretly marvels at the fact that the film is grooming her into accepting the fact that a man much older can behave inappropriately with a girl who is much younger. It’s saving him the effort.

This chronic ‘normalisation’ of the actual age gap between the male and female stars (not the characters in the film) not only ‘grooms’ unsuspecting young members of the audience, but also emboldens potential abusers in actual society, and helps them justify their real-life “grooming” of youngsters for abuse.

Meanwhile, the women in the room smile even as they struggle inside because they are in their 30s, 40s, 50s and they are rendered undesirable, while squirming with discomfort that the girl in the film is old enough to be their child.

There will also be other young girls in the room who have experienced the effect of such content in their own life but will grin and bear this humiliation of having their pain paraded once again. The thing is, as things stand right now, no woman or child has any escape from their abusers. They are stuck in their homes. Imagine now the pain, suffering and damage that will follow this moment of 'Seeti Bajao'. As an aside note– isn’t eve teasing illegal in India?

While venting to a senior filmmaker, he said to me “You should tell these young girls to not do these films.” I would take that comment seriously if we had not already been told a million times “you should have dressed better so you don’t get attacked”, “what did you do to provoke the rape?” and many other such statements.

You see, we now know that IT IS NOT OUR FAULT because when power equations are skewed many would either have to succumb or disappear. Understandably no one likes disappearing.

Now Radhe is not the only film that is guilty. Age inappropriateness is more the norm than the exception, with most heroes and filmmakers casting disproportionately young women as heroines. We’ve seen it with films starring Akshay Kumar, Rajnikanth and so many others.

It’s almost like the bigger one gets as a star the smaller and younger become the leading ladies but I am writing this letter to you to bring your attention to the following:

1. You have the chance to redefine masculinity in this country. You have the power to do it. There is an entire section of men in this country for whom you are their most wanted Bhai and who will do absolutely anything to be like you. You could show them the truth – that being age appropriate is sexy, that respect is a huge turn on for women, that its okay to be vulnerable and that the good guys treat women as their equals.
2. The times are a changing. Women are consistently rejecting and even resenting content that objectifies and degrades them. And there is a new generation of men who are getting tired of the toxic masculinity that lead to them being brutally beaten as children, abused and then shoved into a cookie cutter mould of what a man should be. If you talk to this section of people, you will be an immortal star. It won’t matter that you are in your 50s, it won’t matter that you have a few wrinkles or deal with the daily decay of your body - they will love you anyway. And I cannot imagine what a hero you will become for the millions of women in this country who fight sexism, discrimination and abuse at so many levels.

As I write this some well wishers are asking, “Why do you want to take on Salman Khan?” and “Why do you want to stir trouble?” Well for one, I’m not taking you on, I am helping you see a new reality and I’m sure you will understand that. And two, if this is all it takes to stir trouble – then there’s something very wrong. It will mean that we’re still stuck with issues of ageism and objectification while the world has moved on to discussing representation and rights of equal work and pay.

Also frankly, one can no longer contemplate the consequences of speaking out because the discrimination has come too far, the pain too deep and the silence is deafening.

Wishing you well and hoping you and your family are safe. A slightly belated Eid Mubarak!

(Madhureeta Anand is an independent film director, writer and producer. This is an opinion piece and the views expressed are the author’s own. The Quint neither endorses nor is responsible for them.)