Midnight surely seems to be the chosen hour for anything connected to “freedom” – be it our country’s or that of unhappy people in a marriage. Without much ado, this is a piece (a rant even) on the near-midnight announcement of Dhanush and Aishwaryaa’s divorce, the media, and online furore thereafter.
It’s a path the two of them chose to take after 18 years of marriage – I chuckle as to how the number of years (E-I-G-H-T-E-E-N YEARS) being underlined by all those who are in disbelief over this split still. As if that count is somehow supposed to hold the couple bound to their marriage?
I tweeted a line on this before I ventured to write this piece – “Opinion is what’s given free in this world”. What I should have also added is how often opinion is doled out under the guise of “advice” as if any one of us giving the advice know any better than those who are going through their distress for real!
Opinions, Suggestions, Shockwaves!
No sooner did the posts from Dhanush and Aishwaryaa appeared on their social media handles, my timeline was filled with:
1) Media houses (so called credible TV & online news channels) releasing one-to-three-minute videos with clickbait headlines that screamed “this is why they went in for divorce”. When I did go into one or two of those videos (purely after deciding to write this piece), the content was nothing but a voice-over and the tweets and images of a “once upon a happy time” of the couple.
Along with this were random “opinion/advice” which amounted to basically how grave a news this divorce is, and the shockwaves amongst people were palpable and blah blah...I mean, calm down guys, we are in the middle of a pandemic for crying out loud! Now THAT is a disaster if not handled well.
2) General public and “influencers” who can be divided into two groups here: First is a group which has categorised the couple and put them into the “right” and “wrong” boxes on who is to be blamed for the divorce and why (like it even matters to those who filed for divorce). The second group is one which will point a finger at the first and says how they should not speculate but clearly by tagging Dhanush or Aishwaryaa, they make their “participation” in the proceedings amply clear.
Both groups can also calm down IMHO because none of these opinions, advice, or pointing the finger at someone else is going to matter to Dhanush, Aishwaryaa, or their families.
3) Then there are those I call the “extremists”. This group as the name sounds is the most dangerous. They can be found online and offline (family members in the drawing room watching misogynistic TV serials). Now they want “parents” to remain together for the sake of the children, they will bring the 18 years into the middle of it all and tell the couple "you’ve lived together making all adjustments all these years, so why can’t you continue the 'adjusting' for remaining years", after all, we are Indians, we need to preserve our “culture”. (Of course, they are not saying this to Dhanush or Aishwaryaa in person, this goes out to the erring children in their household – erring in their rulebook that is!)
What’s worse is the patriarchal tone which wants to either “advice” only the woman or character assassinate one of the two partners. The bottom line is this lot wants to somehow find out the reason for the divorce so they can now have a “villain” and “hero” of this saga and they want to know how this couple split.
Well, let me just break the bad news to you. You’re never going to know why because you’re not their best friend or family member and sometimes even they don’t get to know what happens between a couple!
4) The fourth category are the loyal Rajini fans who feel sorry for their “thalaivar”. I hear all of you but I’m sorry to say that in this matter, the main spotlight is not on “thalaivar”; it is on the couple going through the separation.
This is 2022 and divorce perhaps is the best solution to a never-ending problem in a marriage and we should stop seeing “divorce” as “dishonour”. Families and friends of the couple are affected, forced to take sides and are already under a lot of stress and sadness over the split but will Dhanush’s folks be less sad than Aishwaryaa’s? Why is it seen as if the daughters (Soundarya changed her online DP into a childhood photo of Aishwaryaa and her with their dad and the trolling is non-stop) have brought dishonour when that (sexist) allegation is not foisted upon a man (Dhanush in this case)?
Why does the action of an adult daughter alone, still have to affect the “honour” of her father or family? Why am I seeing “paavam thalaivar” posts pitying Rajinikanth when this is a mature, adult, mutually decided upon decision made by two people whose lives they have every right to choose on how to live it?
Even writing this much makes me want to run away from this topic as this is not something which should merit anything more than a headline and their respective posts asking for privacy while they go through their separation.
Opinions and more opinions and advice and more advice keep springing forth from all corners and media houses are keen on milking this “news” on every airwave and space they can get. All of this without taking a stand on telling the reader or viewer either the facts (because they can only speculate based on rumours and not actually know) or on how to keep a dignified distance from this all.
Let Stars and Their Personal Lives Be!
No gyaan here but plainly saying “it is what is”.
It’s time to rest the fingers from tweeting and retweeting on this topic and it’s also time media houses have a better take on such matters and not simply engage in low-brow curiosity-kindling news baits which have nothing more than mere rehash of opinions and conjectures to offer! The fourth estate has a responsibility towards channelling a mass of people to think differently and present correct facts on real breaking news.
Ending with an anecdote that an editor friend in Hyderabad told me this morning. She was in a non-filmy press conference when the cinema reporters in that gathering suddenly kept checking their phones and in the break time kept using words like "it’s breaking news" and "oh god this shouldn’t have happened, it’s a disaster, it’s earth shattering" etc, and she obviously presumed it’s yet another pandemic or tsunami or earthquake or political debacle which needed immediate serious reportage. The “breaking news” was Samantha Ruth Prabhu and Naga Chaitanya’s divorce and she also saw some TV reporters take to the camera and microphone like it was some sort of a war zone.
A celebrity divorce is certainly not earth shattering or “breaking news,” which will affect mass lives like a tsunami! It is affecting only those getting divorced and even there I’m sure the decision is taken in the hope that it will lead the two people to find happiness in the future.
That is the thought with which we all carry with hope to find love and happiness as a human race, isn’t it? I wish Dhanush and Aishwaryaa find this happiness in their lives ahead and I wish their families find their peace and privacy in this crucial phase.
Other than that – I’m sure I’m going to be trolled for “normalising divorce” and for calling out media houses which feed on public curiosity and provide their own stories as to why a celebrity couple split. I foresee more trolling from those who are quick to blame the woman first for bringing dishonour to the family.
Troll as you wish, but in a world where marriage is normalised, it’s about time that divorce also is seen through that filter.
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