Dear Jackie Chan, It’s Time You Fired Your Bollywood Casting Agent

An open letter to cult action hero Jackie Chan, because after ‘Kung Fu Yoga’, he looks like he needs some advice.

Dear Mr Chan,

Having watched your Kung Fu Yoga adventure, spread across four magnificent countries, failing miserably at the Indian box office, I just can’t comprehend why you haven’t paired up with a Bollywood artist of your stature (or somewhere close) yet, for a potential blockbuster that desi audiences would be delighted about. We understand the fact that China and India share a long standing relationship, that bonds a lot over films and entertainment (my 12th grade textbook was full of all that jazz), but to be honest, this is not the kind of collaboration I’m excited about. I’m also confused because you’ve been hobnobbing with SRK, Salman, Aamir, Shilpa Shetty, Farah Khan and the most popular celebs of the film fraternity. So why haven’t you talked shop yet? Let me tell you, kung-fu might work better than subtlety in Mumbai Mr Chan.

I’ve always admired your Hollywood work (as has the rest of India), but with your Bollywood stint in Kung Fu Yoga, I fail to fathom why you would limit yourself to a desi star cast that is barely representative of what Bollywood has to offer, one that hardly stands up to your legacy. The cult status that you have on an international scale deserves to be paired alongside a Bollywood biggie for creative magic to strike the screen.

Your 200 films, countless injuries, epic fight scenes and an honorary Oscar deserve much more than a box office snub like Kung Fu Yoga. I’m sure that the best of our best would be more than keen to share some of your legendary status.

With Stanley Tong by your side, I have been wondering what a great chance you might have missed with an audience that has adored your films. To be honest, from Mallika Sherawat to Sonu Sood, you haven’t come very far Mr Chan. Especially when there is scope for a much better pairing, that I am sure will match up to your stints with Steve Coogan and Chris Tucker in Hollywood.

Maybe it’s a good idea to look around for inspiration. Filmmakers from Hollywood have chosen our finest actors like Irfaan Khan, Anil Kapoor, Amitabh Bachchan, Deepika Padukone and Priyanka Chopra. Frankly, I’m no big fan of Sonu Sood, Amira Dastur or Disha Patani and there aren’t too many who are, especially now after Kung Fu Yoga. Also, just because we have an audience that adores action-comedy, doesn’t mean that slapstick and stereotypical goofing will work too. What works in your favour is also the fact that our A-listers are big fans when it comes to your movies. You’re a legend in India too. Your SRK inspired cute dialogue delivery on The Kapil Sharma Show is proof that you love India and the feeling is mutual. So why settle for less?

Should you decide to fire your PR agents, I’m happy to fill in :P

I promise I’ll try my best to get you that romantic filmi role you’ve been craving, but India deserves to see the desi side of the cult action hero that you really are.

Here’s hoping that your next Bollywood flick is more than just a funny name (which by the way is not even original), boasts of a stellar star cast and has more of a story to tell that goes beyond yoga and kung fu.