Brajesh Thakur is Accused of Rape, Why is His Wife Defending Him?

Often, in India, the offender’s family supports him and even fights his cases for him.

One rarely hears of instances where the family or the women of the family have ceased to support the accused.

(Photo: The Quint)

Why is it that women put up with rapists in their family? Why do Indian families provide protection to sexual offenders? Often, in India, the family supports the offender and even fights his cases for him.

What is more serious is the fact that female family members of the offender, especially his mother, wife and daughter too stand with the abuser, in stead of standing with the abused. One rarely hears of instances where the family or the women of the family have ceased to support the accused.

Brajesh Thakur’s Wife and Daughter Stand in His Defence

The horrific Muzzafarpur shelter home rapes are currently being probed. However, the wife and daughter of the main accused – Brajesh Thakur – have come out in his defence. Both have their own strategies. It is difficult to state which strategy is correct and which isn’t because it is too early to establish the merit of the case, but one thing is evident that the behaviour of Brijesh Thakur’s wife and daughter is similar to that of other women who have been in their position before them.

The wife and the daughter did not even wait for the chargesheet to be filed before taking sides. They always have the option of neither supporting him nor going against him until the court proceedings are over. However, they stuck with the first option.

While the wife is singing to the tune of unconditional husband worship, the daughter is defending him with a “my father is the best” attitude.

It is important to note that these two women are not supporting Thakur in the name of some communal ideology. The age-old saying that encapsulates sisterhood: “jo bhi saadi pehenti hai, woh behenai hain” (all those who wear saries are sisters) has hence been disproven.

Ideas of unity among women and female liberation seem to have been crushed to shambles by archaic concepts of family standing together despite just about anything.

But why is it that women in Indian families on being related to the abuser do not support the abused? In fact even after their crime has been legally established, they wait for the offender to complete his term and return from the jail instead of dismissing them completely.

Men are Often the Sole Earning Members of the Family

The first reason for this undying endorsement is that in most cases in India is that the man is the bread-earner by default and the women will never want the main source of family income to be taken away.

The male member may have done something wrong, but him getting sentenced to jail or death is quite a heavy penalty for his wife and children to pay. Women make up only 25 percent of the workforce in India and even some of these women require permission from their families to work.

Besides, if the husband goes to jail then it can become difficult for his wife to even go to work. So, the husband staying with the family despite all his flaws is more of a financial arrangement than an emotional one.

It is Difficult to Imagine a Family Without a Man

The man comes at the centre of the family structure of India. It is possible to imagine a family without a woman for women can be replaced. But families in India don’t function without a man. Hence, the birth of a son is still given so much importance in parts of our country.

A man is also considered necessary in order for the woman to feel secure. Women who come from families without men are often quite vulnerable to assault and abuse.

Hence, women, despite knowing that their husband or son or father is the abuser refuse to stand with the abused. This matter for women in some cases is not about being principled or unprincipled but about their survival.

Fault in Cultural Training Pertaining to Rape

Rape certainly is considered evil in India. However, women still are largely blamed for it. They also are punished more than men for it. Even ancient scriptures talk about instances when sages have performed sexual acts on girls and not considered it a bad thing.

For instance, when Indra tricked Ahilya and seduced her, it was Ahilya who was cursed and turned into a stone.

A society that has grown up listening to tales like this will naturally blame the girl’s clothes or her upbringing or her lifestyle. This cultural training is also provided to the women of the family. In fact women are the first ones to listen to these tales.

Brijesh Thakur’s wife emphatically asserts that the girls at the shelter home were the wrong kinds: running away for love, former prostitutes etc.

What Does it Mean to Be a Good Woman?

A girl is taught from childhood to stand with her man through thick-and-thin. Hence, when her man rapes another woman and gets into trouble for it, his wife does what she has been taught. A woman who supports her husband regardless of what he does is considered an ideal woman. Hence, women want to be termed ‘good’ by supporting their rapist husbands.

(This piece was originally published on Quint Hindi. Read the original story here.)

This is an opinion piece and the views expressed above are the author’s own. The Quint neither endorses nor is responsible for the same.)

(Translation by Mekhala Saran.)