The Good Indian Man

India has so many good men. Then why are we characterising them in a poor light?

(Photo: iStockphotos)

The good Indian man is right here. He’s probably sitting beside you, or talking to you over the phone. Or he’s probably you – it’s just that he isn’t talked about much.

He is somewhat silenced by the loud cliches that attempt to paint all men in the country with the same brush.

Which is my biggest problem.

(Photo: iStockphoto)

I have a problem with the way the Indian man has been typified as a chauvinist pig. I have a problem with the characteristic ease with which we have come to define “Delhi men” or “engineers” through their doppleganger images of being aggressive, sex-starved men, classifying all of them as though they are collectively a batch of buffoons.

Two days ago, I saw a parody on Indian men on Tinder. Now I may not be on the dating app but I refuse to believe that all men there want fair skinned, no-type girls. Who right swipe at every dark-skinned girl with rigid beliefs.

(Photo: iStockphoto)

Just as women in India have seen a shift in attitudes, so have the men. The phrase, as I am borrowing from The Good Men Project, for a community of thoughtful men is “enlightened masculinity”.

Guys today are neither the mindless, sex-obsessed buffoons nor the stoic automatons our culture so often makes them out to be. Our community is smart, compassionate, curious, and open-minded; they strive to be good fathers and husbands, citizens and friends, to lead by example at home and in the workplace, and to understand their role in a changing world.

The Good Men Project

Masculinity 2.0 doesn’t view men as hypersexual rabbits who only aim to procreate.

Men are brothers and boyfriends, fathers and friends – they know love, respect and affection as well as a woman. They are good partners, good brothers, good colleagues, good neighbours, and good co-passengers.

They know what it means to care for a woman – whether she is a sister, partner mother or girlfriend.

(Photo: iStockphoto)

They aren’t intimidated by women who talk loudly about female empowerment.

Their rejection of a woman doesn’t happen because of her dark skin or curly hair.

They care about the society, about social change, They know women have been wronged for many years and are now trying to right the wrongs.

(Photo: iStockphoto)

And this emotional sensitivity isn’t a virtue of the privileged man.

In an ideal world, you wouldn’t have to write an article to justify this headline. But when the stereotype of a nation’s men becomes ingrained in memes like this, it becomes necessary to have this conversation.