Sexolve 38: ‘Whenever I Think of Women, I Ejaculate Immediately’

Let’s talk about love, sex, sexuality and above all, consent.

Consent has to be continuous in all sexual acts. (Photo: iStock)

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Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationships, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As below:

I Have a Small Penis

‘True love is not determined by penis size’. (Photo: iStock)

Dear RainbowMan,

I have a very, very small penis - about five inches only. I tried slipping it inside the anus of my boyfriend, it slipped off. How do I enlarge my penis? I am really scared that our three-year-old relationship will end because of this.

Small problem, USA

Dear Small Problem,

It is not a problem to be small. You could sexually satisfy people even with a smaller penis. Five inches is not very small. It is enough to stimulate your partner, irrespective of the gender of the partner. There are surgeries I believe that can help you increase size. You could check with a good andrologist. If you ask me personally, I will advise you against it.

True love is not determined by penis size. But I do know that the gay world has this overt obsession with big penises. Don’t give in to those stupid obsessions. Some gay men love big dicks, and some gay men are dicks. These obsessive ones are the latter. Remember, your brain is the most important sexual organ in your body. Stimulate it well. And get over the obsession of sizes.

And yes, if your partner is going dump you because you are not long enough, don’t wait for too long. Dump him.

Live it out.

RainbowMan

I Ejaculate Even When I Think of Women

‘Masturbation is a healthy way of letting sperm out’. (Photo: iStock)

Hi RainbowMan,

I am a 25-year-old man. Whenever I think of women, I quickly ejaculate. It needn’t always be a sexual thought but just the thought of a woman in my head. I don’t even need to wait to strip her in my imagination or strip myself or even touch myself, I just come. How do I cure myself?

Rajdhani Express, Delhi

Dear Rajdhani Express,

Firstly, don’t worry. Don’t worry at all. Don’t think your challenge is something that’s unique. It is unique to you, but it is fairly common.

I wanted to ask you something deeply personal.

Do you masturbate? One should know it is a healthy way of letting your sperms out. Sperms will find its way out if you don’t drain it yourself. So masturbation is not unhealthy. You just have to be sure to not obsess with it.

Also try this technique when you masturbate. Get yourself to the point of orgasm. And when you think you are closer to cumming, STOP and divert your mind to something else. You may just see that you are able to control your mind that way.

A caveat - I am not a doctor. If you think you need to consult one, please seek the help of a professional doctor.

Smiles :)

RainbowMan

My Husband Drinks My Period Blood

When intimate sexual encounters go awry, you need to address the issue openly.(Photo: iStock)

Dear RainbowMan,

My husband likes to drink period blood. I find it yucky and dirty. Worse still, he kisses me on my mouth after he drinks my blood. I cannot get myself to love this man after what he does to me during my periods. Please save me.

Regards,

Suman, India

Dear Suman,

Thank you for speaking to me about this incredibly private part of your life.

SPEAK UP. The fact that sex is a private act and people are shy to speak about it cannot be used as a tool against your consent. I would have nothing against it, and would have just shared with you some medical knowledge about sexually transmitted diseases if you enjoyed it too. The fact that you don’t makes you vulnerable and there is no point telling you anything else but STOP this.

When intimate sexual encounters go awry, you need to address the issue openly. You need to speak up. You need to decide to stop your husband and tell him squarely that you do not appreciate this sexual act. Consent has to be continuous in all sexual acts.

If it isn’t, it is no love. Forget what he does with his lips and tongue, OPEN YOURS. Speak Up. This is not the time to keep your lips stitched.

Tell your husband clearly. Explain your point of view. Explain that you are open to things in sex but not this act. Please speak up. Because merely being disgusted doesn’t help. Only speaking up does.

And if he doesn’t relent, deny him sex. If he still doesn’t listen, leave him. There is no use living with someone who doesn’t respect your consent.

Your basic fundamental love affair should be with yourself.

Regards

RainbowMan

(The copy of the text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the person. You can send in your questions to [e-mail])

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)