How the Marvel Universe Ruined My Life

A Marvel Cinematic Universe fan laments getting into the films in the first place.

Poster for The Avengers.

It was 2008. The first Iron Man movie had just come out and I was about finishing college. I was a grown up at last, and I had grown up plans. I was going to drink in bars, eat at fancy shmancy restaurants and say pretentious things like, “Mmmm... I love the layers in that ceviche”. I would keep reading great books and of course, be the bees knees at work.

The poster for Iron Man (2008).

This then was the great turning point of my life at which Iron Man made a foray. Iron Man was just a good film, Robert Downey Jr. was hilarious and I was looking forward to a sequel, if there was going to be one.

I suppose that’s what junkies say the first time they shoot up. “That heroin thing was nice, maybe I’ll try it again sometime.”

Since 2008, there have been 12 films in the Marvel Universe, another seven TV shows and five short films. That’s about 120 hours of complicated plots and special effects extravaganzas.

The many, many offerings from Marvel’s Cinematic Universe.

And it’s not like you can watch a show just once. Avengers: Age of Ultron is about to release? I have to re-watch all the movies leading up to it and every episode of Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. The new Captain America film means sitting through eight episodes of Agent Carter. There are also comic books.

The Hulk and Black Widow share a tender moment in Avengers: Age of Ultron.

My social life is dead and my internet bills are huge. Each movie is about Rs 400 on a weekend at the theatre near my house. The lines between the superhero world and the real one are blurred.

Even my dreams are messed up. Captain America, Iron Man and Thor are fighting over the infinity stones. Will Agent Coulson be in another film? Black Widow gets it on with the Hulk and Hawkeye isn’t happy. Eventually, I begin to wonder if I am in some sort of CGI version of The Matrix.

But after years of skipping parties and ignoring friends, there’s finally a few weeks without anything. Finally, I have seen everything.

And then it dawns on me.

Batman vs Superman is about to release. It’s time to brush up on the DC Universe.