How I Feel When Wedding Photos Keep Popping up on My Facebook Page

You’ll always see these four kinds of wedding photos on Facebook!

Shahid Kapoor, Mira Rajput and Alia Bhatt taking a selfie at Masaba’s wedding. (Photo Courtesy: Instagram/StoriesbyJosephRadhik)

When I began to write this article, I took a quick look at my Facebook feed for inspiration. You see, I’d been a little antsy about how I’d commence, given that the world around me is currently teeming with band baaja, dhaaker taal and the myriad samples of Singh and bling on Delhi’s streets.

I was worried about how I’d compress a feeling – one feeling – in more than a sentence. Because, really, one feeling’s enough to describe how you and I feel when, come December, our Facebook feeds are loaded with shaadi ke tasveer. If you, like me, dear-person-who-does-not-like-wedding-photos, also sighs in desperation, scrolls through furiously, looking for something – anything – other than saccharine posts entitled ‘My Wedding 2015/16/17/18……’ then we’re on the same page.

Facebook page? You got it.

Masaba’s wedding was all the rage on social media less than a month ago! (Photo Courtesy: Instagram/Shahid Kapoor)

Was it only yesterday that I read/heard of the record 25,000 weddings in Delhi in a day? It seemed rather incredulous to me – not because it was too much, but because to me, the number seemed rather less! Surely, there were more? People marrying in secret? On post-its like Mer and Der? On Facebook timelines?! I know I saw at least a hundred getting hitched there.

Wouldn’t you rather, you-beautiful-couple-who-look-perfect-together, get married in May? You know, when – sure, the sun’s out and no one really gets married at the time – but, isn’t that the point? Ooooooor, you could elope to Haiti (not Hawaii) and save a lot of money – and that way, we’ll be seeing different wedding pictures too.

Just for laughs (remember, please, that this is for the audience like me, who-does-not-like-wedding-photos), let me take you through the category of photos you will usually see in December.

The Bachelorette Party

The range of photos where women flock and pout in front of a camera – and then put ‘em up on Facebook. (Photo Courtesy: Instagram/Jacqueline Fernandez)

Shriek! Screech! Squawk! These are imaginary sounds with no birds in sight. You can usually imagine these sounds in your head when you see photos of this category. They usually entail a sunny locale or a dark club room, a scary close-up and three large faces with tiny bodies (courtesy scary close-up). Oh, and did we mention sangria and pouty lips? Yup, those are a given.

The Wedding-Outfit-Try-On Day

Shahid Kapoor is guilty of the mirror selfie! (Photo Courtesy: Instagram/Shahid Kapoor)

We’ve cried ourselves hoarse saying this for ALL photos and not shaadi-waale alone –we’re tired of looking at mirror selfies with a black shiny phone clearly in sight. We’re looking at you, Shahid Kapoor. Now if they’re an epidemic in general, naturally they become a plague during the month of December.

Your timeline will be flooded with mirror selfies where you will be completely distracted by what to look at – flashing phone, blingy lehenga/sherwani, or cheering bachelorettes/awaara friends in the background.

The You-and-the-Couple Photo

Couples usually look much more disinterested than the person taking the selfie. (Photo Courtesy: Instagram/Shahid Kapoor)

Sigh. Could you get more generic than this one? This is almost like clicking a selfie with a celebrity – except, worse. For one, you’re given no room to click the selfie at all and there’s always a nudging aunty or a shy cousin squinting in the background wondering if she’s also coming into the picture. Then, the couple smiles just the same as they do in all the other 99 photos in the album called ‘Munmun and Monty’s Wedding. FINALLY’. They look rather tired, really.

The #TBT Series

TBT photos in black and white are all the rage a week before the shaadi. (Photo Courtesy: Instagram/Sonam Kapoor)

These are actually kinda cute. You know, the ones that pop up in shades of black, white and sepia, of bride/groom in college or office times (which they usually remember clicking like, a week ago).

Our only problem is, the TBT photos picked by old college mate/office colleague have usually more of said college mate/office colleague and less of the bride/groom. You generally have to squint really hard into the black-and-white Facebook photograph to make ‘em out.

I am done and I shall now resume browsing through Facebook – where I will probably come across wedding photos halfway through February.

Also? For friends who remember reading this 6 years later, when I might just be donning the great, fluffy white dress – I just escaped your jokes and moved to Haiti.